How To Get Fired From Your Job

OK, so this really isn't an instruction manual for getting fired from your job. I'd rather you didn't get fired, in all honesty. The more people that take this kind of advice to heart, the more people are unemployed. The next thing you know, the economy is really in the tank, and who's to blame? Me. No, thank you.

Rather, this is a list of things that I would avoid doing, if you want to keep your steady paycheck, and in turn, your tummy full and your feet warm.

1. Lying on your resume.  These days, most employers are conducting thorough background checks applicants. Normally, they want to make sure that you don't have a criminal background, check to see if your education really matches up with what's on your resume, and from time to time, check and see if you have filed for bankruptcy. Save yourself the embarrassment and play it straight from the start.
2. Become involved with the boss.  Do I really even need to explain this?
3. Alcohol at work.  It's embarrassing enough when you have a bit too much at an after-work function, or at the holiday party, and you're the one everyone is chatting about around the water cooler. Hitting the local pub at lunch is a no-no. Trust me, whether you think so or not, your co-workers will be able to tell. If they don't notice immediately, you're sure to give it away when you bump into a wall or two.
4. Job hunting on the clock. If you are going to look for a new job, fine. Don't do it on the clock. Would you want your boss getting a hold of a resume you sent out from your work email? How about if he shows up, looking over your shoulder while you browse jobs on Career Builder? I didn't think so.
5. Personal calls/emails/IMs.  Taking care of too much personal business while on someone else's dime, will likely cost you your job, and is costing your employer thousands. You don't want to live with that kind of guilt, do you?