How To Screw Up a Job Interview

Your interview for that new position starts before you sit down in the uncomfortable chair. It begins with the submittal of an application or resume and includes communication to schedule an interview, the interview itself, and post-interview conversation. Each interaction tells your prospective employer about who you are and what type of employee you will be. If you want to be sure you do NOT get the job you are looking for (or a future opening at the company), follow these steps:

1. Apply for jobs you aren't qualified for. Submit an application for every opening at an organization, regardless of your qualifications. An employer who sees your resume every time there is a position available will believe that you are: a) discontented; b) unsure of your goals; c) spending a lot of time at work applying for other jobs; d) unable to read a job description; or e) all of the above. In addition, your familiar presence in an applicant pool may result in your application being overlooked, even for a position that you are eventually qualified for.
2. Don't proofread your resume and cover letter. Make spelling errors and use poor grammar to suggest to the employer that you are uneducated or sloppy. A poorly written application is especially effective for losing jobs that require accuracy or good writing skills.
3. Use poor telephone manners. Your first verbal contact with a prospective employer will usually be over the telephone. If you want to make a bad impression, try answering the telephone with a sleepy voice in the middle of the day, with a greeting of, "Hey dude," thinking that your best friend has just called you back, or while driving or otherwise occupied. If you aren't available, that casual or off-color voice mail message that is so hilarious to your friends or family can make the bad impression for you.
4. Show up late or really early. Showing up late demonstrates that you are disorganized and don't respect the interviewer's time. Announcing your arrival more than 15 minutes early will inevitably rush the interviewer and may make him disorganized, hungry, thirsty, or needing to go to the bathroom during your interview.
5. Dress and act like a slob. Wear clothes that are more casual than those worn by employees of the company, or anything that is wrinkled, torn, or ill fitting. Carry your paperwork in a disorganized manner. Slump down in the chair or lean forward on the table. Avoid eye contact and forget to shake hands or thank the interviewer for his time.
6. Complain. Gripe about the traffic or weather coming to the interview, the driving directions you were provided with, the time it took for interviews to be scheduled, or your current employer or co-workers. Doing this, even a bit, during the interview will be sure to suggest to the employer that you will be a constant complainer if hired.
7. Don't answer the questions you don't like. If the interviewer asks you a question that doesn't highlight one of your strengths, ignore the question and take the opportunity to talk about something else entirely. (Look how successful this strategy is for politicians!)
8. Use the interview as a soapbox. If you are an internal candidate, take the opportunity to speak about everything that is wrong with the organization and indicate why you are the only one who can fix it. If you can find out who the other internal candidates are, be sure to mention them and their shortcomings.
9. Talk too much (or not enough). Choose one of the following two approaches: 1) Answer each question in as few words as possible. Yes and no answers will ensure that the interviewers won't get to know you very well; 2) Keep responding to each answer until you cannot think of anything else to say. It will be helpful if you then point out that you went on way too long, in case the interviewer didn't notice.
10. Say or do any of the following things. Confess that you don't remember applying for the position you are being interviewed for; describe how you fell asleep at a previous job; indicate that you work too hard at your current position and are looking for a job where you can relax; when asked what interests you about the position you are applying for, mention the salary, 401K plan, or vacation before mentioning the nature of the work; ask how big your office will be; suggest ways that the company can improve on work that you have never done; acknowledge that you are overqualified for a position and indicate your expectation that it will be a stepping stone; ask how many other people applied for the position and whether or not you are the leading candidate; demand a yes or no response by a certain date.
11. Don't say thanks. Don't express at the end of the interview or in a follow-up letter that you are grateful for being selected for an interview, appreciate the interviewer's time, and respect his judgment and need for time during the decision-making process.
12. Question the employer's judgment if you don't get the job. If you are not the selected candidate, put the interviewer on the spot by asking him exactly why you weren't selected and what made the other candidate so much better. If you disagree with the answer, argue with him. This will ensure he will never want to interview you again.

OK, so if you actually want the job, maybe you shouldn't do any of these things at all. Instead, try to:

1. Apply for jobs you are both qualified for and interested in. It is OK to apply for jobs you are marginally qualified for. The quality and number of applicants often varies for similar job openings and a bright person who is willing to learn occasionally emerges as a top candidate.
2. Have a friend with good writing skills proofread your resume and cover letter. Highlight your strengths and skills, but don't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. A recent graduate does not need a 3 or 4 page resume.
3. Make sure you answer every phone call as if it is a prospective employer. Replace that silly phone message with something that sounds more professional.
4. Show up exactly 15 minutes early. This shows you are punctual and like to be prepared, but fully understand that the world doesn't revolve around you.
5. Dress one level above what you would expect to dress as an employee. If you don't know how that is, call the receptionist and ask. Make sure you iron your clothes.
6. Be honest, straightforward, and positive in all of your responses. When answering questions that may not play to your strengths, display a willingness to learn and always see the glass as half full.
7. Respond fully so that the interviewers can get to know you. Add additional information when it is pertinent or is following up on a comment by the interviewer.
8. Make at least one comment that shows you have researched the company prior to the interview. This never fails to impress a prospective employer.
9. Express your sincere thanks and follow up with a letter if you believe the interview went well. It's just good manners.
10. If you aren't selected, acknowledge that it must have been a difficult decision. Repeat your thanks for the opportunity to interview, and request to be kept in mind for future openings.