This is Dr. Anthony Kane for the Complete Connection Parenting Program with another parent tip for you today.
Today, we are going to discuss lying in younger children. And I am going to divide this with younger children and teens because the reason behind them is completely different and what we do about is completely different. So it's totally younger children today.
Why do children lie? Well, first of all, you have to understand there are different issues, different reasons for lying. A child who is 3 or 4-years-old is not really capable of lying, because they don't really have a good grasp of what truth really is. A lot of times they confuse their imagination for reality and they really don't understand the concept of lying.
When a child gets to the age of 5 or 6, he develops some better understanding to grasp a reality, and a lot of times they lie because they are ashamed of something, or embarrassed by something, or don't want to get in trouble.
By the time that child is 7, 8, 9, 10, he understands right from wrong, and usually children lie to get out of something, get out of trouble or to avoid unpleasant consequences. But they can be held accountable at that age for lying, because they know the difference between right and wrong and between what's true and what's not true.
So how do you control lying, what do you do about it? Well, the first thing you have to do in children is understand lying is normal, children test limits, that's how they grow, that's how they understand who they are and what the boundaries are. One of the boundaries of test is lying. They lie to see if they can get away with it.
So first of all don't take it personally if the child lies. It's not a sign of the problem. It's really a sign of normal development at most ages.
What would you do about it is this, number one, you've got a role model truthfulness. That means you do not lie, you cannot lie. If you find lying objectionable in the child, you cannot lie for any reason as an adult, certainly not in front of your child, and really you shouldn't lie at all.
For example, if somebody calls on the phone and you don't want talk to them, don't tell anyone to say you are not home. You are home. Think of the words that's true. You can't come to the phone, you're unable to talk. But you don't encourage a lie to get out of the problem, avoid lie, because what you choose as a white lie for your reasons, your child will see it's good to lie for his reasons. You don't want to do that. Role model truthfulness.
Second role, make sure that your child understands that being truthful is a virtue and a characteristic that is well respected in your household.
And thirdly, just don't get too upset about it, children do lie, and it's going to happen, ans you just don't overreact. But you do, as you set up the situation for your child to make right the wrong. Make sure you give the chance to admit that he wasn't telling the truth and to honorably correct the wrong.
Don't make a big deal of it. Your child will probably grow out of it at a certain point as long as you do what I said, model truthfulness and show truthfulness as a virtue in your house and your family values being honest and being truthful.
This is Dr. Anthony Kane for the Complete Connection Parenting Program. If you want more parenting tips like this, please go to our website at ccparenting.com and sign-up for our free newsletter.
