If you are part of a couple and your marriage is in trouble you may be wondering what can be done to fix your marriage problems. You may have considered calling a counselor or just trying to work it out on your own. No matter what route you choose, if you are trying to work it out you are on the right path.
Depending on the level of marriage problems you have, it can be hard work to heal your marriage. Over 50% of marriages fail. This statistic is not pleasant to think about, but it is true. The main thing you need to keep in mind is that your marriage is important to you. Otherwise, you would not be looking for help in the first place. You would have just given up on one another.
If you are reading this article, you may be looking for guidance through the problems you are having with your spouse. Rather than taking the easy way out through divorce, you are taking the time to try to fix what may be broken. You have admitted there is a problem to yourself or to each other. Now you need to find a way to heal the hurt before it gets even more out of control. You can use the tips below to find the help you need to attempt to heal your marital problems.
- Talk to One Another. You may be thinking you have done this, but have you really? Do you actually listen when your spouse speaks? When you talk, do you talk calmly or do you always end up yelling at each other?
You need to be able to communicate in a rational manner. If there are problems, this means that one or both of you are probably hurting. However, you need to try to get past that so that you can remember why you married each other in the first place.
Look past the hurt and discuss your feelings. Never condemn or chastise your spouse for their feelings. Remember that anything they say to you in this time is because it is how they feel. You may not see eye to eye, but you have no right to tell them their feelings are wrong.
If you love each other, and you want it to work, you will take what is said and try to find a way to change their feelings in order to deal with the problems you are facing.
- Try Non-Verbal Communication. If you find that you are too quick to judge or fight during a communication session, you may want to try some non-verbal forms of communication.
One of these methods is writing. Take some time to write your feelings down in a journal. Document all the things you are feeling. Answer some of the following questions.
- Why did you marry your wife/husband?
- When did your marriage problems begin?
- What do you think were/are the cause of those problems?
- Why do you want to fix your marriage?
- Do you think your marriage can be fixed?
- How do these problems make you feel?
- What are you willing to do to make your marriage work again?
In addition to these questions, you should write anything you feel is necessary for your spouse to know that you're not quite sure how to tell them verbally. This allows them to read your thoughts and process them before commenting back.
The heat of the moment will not be an issue like it would in a verbal conversation. Sometimes written words make more sense than a verbal discussion.
Other possible non-verbal communication methods may include: IM Messaging one another, writing emails to one another, writing poetry to explain your feelings, acting your feelings out, recording a video of yourself explaining how you feel so your spouse can watch it on their own time, and sending your spouse a letter.
Depending on what you and your spouse are more comfortable with, you may choose one or all of these methods or you may come up with another non-verbal method on your own.
- Seek Outside Help. Several methods of counseling can help married couples. You could seek a traditional marriage counselor, a counselor at your church if you are religious, or even have a friend or family member mediate your communication sessions.
Many couples have found help on couple's retreats for married people in distress. These retreats take couples out of their element and place them in the woods or another remote location. While they are away from every day life, they have a real shot at working past their problems.
Ultimately, you should determine what you feel is necessary for your relationship. The important thing to remember is there will be no point in seeking help if you are not going to listen to the advice you are given. If you are set in your ways and unwilling to compromise you might as well decline the option of counseling because it probably will not help you.
You have to be willing to change and compromise, otherwise it is likely that you will end up getting a divorce.
If all goes well, these methods will help you to improve your marriage. Remember, the most important thing to do right now is to listen to one another. Take the time to remember why you were married in the first place and maybe you will be able to focus more on each other and less on the negative aspects of life that have caused your marital problems. You can also both enroll in online counseling courses so that you'll be well-informed on the goals and limitations of any counseling program.