Marriage problems can be devastatingly painful and difficult to overcome. Knowing that you may be losing the person you love is hard on anyone. However, if there is a chance you can do something to save that relationship, then you should do whatever you can. You might feel powerless to improve the situation, but you must try. If you make no attempt to save your relationship, it will eventually end.
The good news is that as bleak as the situation may seem, there is always hope. Do your best to keep yourself together and concentrate on the immediate, positive goal of saving your marriage.
Every marital relationship is unique. In your pursuit of marital harmony and a healthier bond with your spouse, you may find the following advice very helpful.
- Truly identify your problems.The only way you are going to make progress with your marital problems is if you determine what those problems are. Taking an honest look at your relationship is the first step of healing. The most important thing in this phase is complete honesty. If you attempt to downplay your problems or look for a quick fix, you do a disservice to yourself and your spouse, and ultimately set yourself up for failure.
- Set goals to work towards together. Make realistic goals that you can work toward as a couple. Obviously, your ultimate goal is to stay together. However, start with mini-goals. Try to make the following goals:
- We will communicate without arguing.
- We will attempt to do things as a couple.
- We will find an end to our problems.
- We will write down our feelings and allow the other to read them.
Communicate and compromise. If you want to make your relationship last, you must be able to talk to each other. Communication is the key to any long-lasting relationship. Once you establish open dialogue, then you can begin to compromise and heal. The importance of compromise cannot be overstated. Both of you must be able to discuss your feelings and come to an agreement about what you feel the relationship needs. It is going to be a matter of give-and-take. If you have problems communicating, try looking up 'Communication Exercises' in a search engine. After exploring the results, try some promising exercises with your spouse.
Look past the petty arguments and look towards healing. If you truly want to make your marriage work, you are going to have to overlook the hurt you feel about past arguments. You need to look for solutions rather than blaming your partner. It is often much easier to resent someone than to forget arguments, find forgiveness and move on with your life. However, until you find a way to communicate constructively about your hurt, and how to heal it, you will remain stuck in the same rut.
Use mediation if necessary. Some couples benefit from professional counseling, while others find it beneficial for friends or family to mediate their communication sessions, until they can speak without arguing. Regardless of the difficulty, communication is necessary to restore your marriage. You need to rediscover what you love about each other and you need to do this without arguing or trying to inflict pain. With this in mind, having some friendly mediation can often help couples find clarity and address the destructive aspects of their behavior. This may not be necessary for every couple but it could help those that have true communication issues.
Be patient; take all the time necessary to heal. Your marital problems did not crop up overnight and they will not be healed overnight. You need to take the time to examine your marital weaknesses and strengths together. Discuss all the emotions that you both feel until you are centered and ready to begin anew.