Are those old break-up stand-bys on auto-repeat? Has the soundtrack to your life become a steady stream of music designed to soothe a broken heart? Maybe it's time to change the tune...
So you broke up. So it didn't work out that time. Learn from it and apply what you've learned to whatever your heart desires. And if your heart so desires, get that stray boyfriend back! Regardless of the stage of your relationship, it is possible to get him back into your loving embrace. You loved each other before, and you can love each other again! You just need as much solid relationship advice as possible in order to save your relationship and get your ex back. I recommend you check this out: The Magic of Making Up.
Let's get started! Use this step-by-step guide to relationships to learn how to get your boyfriend back.
- Demonstrate that you've learned from past missteps. Examine what didn't work the first time around. Pay special attention to the complaints he had about your behavior. Some were probably unreasonable to you, while you must admit that others were probably entirely legitimate. Don't sacrifice who you are by responding to those unreasonable or unfair complaints. Focus on the justifiable complaints.
- Remind him, through your actions, why he fell in love with you in the first place. Think back to the person you were when he fell for you, and then compare that person to who you had become by the end of the relationship. If you were more eager to enjoy a night on the town when he fell in love with you, then go out more often with friends, and try meeting up with him and his friends, too. If you had firmer career goals when you first met him, but let those goals slip, maybe you should spend some time fortifying the goals once more. This reflection on how you've changed is a constructive exercise regardless of whether you're getting your ex back or not. Focus on those positive attributes in need of repair, and you will not just become more attractive to your ex-boyfriend, but you'll also become a stronger person independently.
- Be there to support him. No matter how much the break-up hurt you, you can make a powerful impression on your guy by putting past feelings aside at critical moments and stepping up as a supportive friend. But also make him realize that support is more limited now that he's just a friend. Try to be the one to end phone conversations, for example. Let him fondly recall the times when he enjoyed your limitless support.
- Win over his friends. Friends can be a tricky jury. They might have been part of the reason your relationship went sour in the first place. Friends hold a power that no other people hold in your ex-boyfriend's mind. If they didn't like you before, your task is to reveal that you're not as bad as they once thought. Now that you aren't taking up all of his time, you probably won't seem so awful to them anyway. If you can cast yourself in any kind of sympathetic light, do so. Perhaps those comments made behind your back will go from negative to positive (definitely a good thing as you try to get your boyfriend back).
- Reminisce. Memory is one of your most powerful tools as you help your ex-boyfriend see the light. Remember that time you first started dating and his grandmother accidentally shut your hand in a door? Probably not, because that's one of my memories, but the two of you undoubtedly have a treasure trove of happy, funny or romantic memories from the times when your relationship was strong and exciting. Help him remember those memories as well, but bring them up only at times when mentioning them would seem totally organic. You don't want the nostalgia to seem forced.
- Think of the pastimes and activities that were central to your former relationship. Then, manipulate circumstances to lead to these activities. This manipulation requires a good sense of timing and discretion. If you find yourself with your ex in a group of friends that can't quite decide what to do for some fun, suggest an activity that held special significance to the two of you as a couple. It could be badminton, a beach BBQ, an afternoon making clay sculptures, a trip to the ballgame, a game of Frisbee, you name it. Chances are, he'll share your enthusiasm for this suggestion. And at that point, it's a no-lose scenario for you. If the group agrees to do the activity, then you and your ex-boyfriend are sure to have fun and be happily reminded of past times. If the group decides not to act on your suggestion, your ex will be reminded that the two of you share something special and unique. You relate to each other in ways others cannot.
- Look your best. You were always attractive to him. Use that attraction! If you remember that he liked your hair a certain way, or that he found certain colors or outfits particularly attractive to him, then now's the time to put that knowledge to good use. And in a social setting, he's bound to fixate on how other guys are taking notice of you... if you appear to effortlessly attract guys, no ex-boyfriend on earth can help but whimper a bit inside.
- Be positive. Negativity, sadness and depression are not productive when it comes to getting your boyfriend back. In fact, they're likely to undermine any efforts you make; nothing is less attractive than self-pity. Instead, look for the silver linings everywhere you can. If he hasn't found a new love interest, it means he's still stuck on you. If he has moved on, it means he's trying to forget you by desperately latching onto someone else. Either way, you can get your boyfriend back! Be positive, happy and energetic; these qualities are contagious.
- Don't be too obvious in expressing your desire to get him back. The worst thing you can do is throw yourself at your ex-boyfriend. You must demonstrate that you are your own person. Having said that, there are subtle ways you can express interest.
- On that note... your strategy should be to start in the realm of subtlety, and slowly turn up the heat. Slowly! Getting your boyfriend back requires patience and discipline. You must pay attention to how he replies in words and actions to your subtle gestures before you think about making your interest a little more obvious.
- No drunken phone calls! It may seem like a good idea to call your ex after a night out on the town, but these phone calls too often end up seeming rather pathetic.
- Do you really want him back? You've plotted his return to you, quietly reminded him of those qualities he used to love, and psychoanalyzed him at every moment... but have you devoted as much time and energy toward a little self-scrutiny? Before you set your sights on your ex-boyfriend, you should ask yourself if going back to him is really the right move for you. No matter how much relationship help you utilize, it's possible that moving on would be in your best interests. You could try desperately to get an undeserving boyfriend back, but all the while overlook the fresh new face of a guy who's truly perfect for you. If, after some soul-searching, you decide to get your boyfriend back, then don't give up. Just because it didn't work out the first time doesn't mean it won't work out the next time.
An unfailing recipe for success, or an unhealthy blueprint for obsession? If life has taught me one thing, it's that trying too hard to plot the course of your life results in totally unexpected developments. Nobody ever said love was easy, but it's virtually impossible to sustain a loving relationship if its success requires you to be someone you're not. So I would offer this as a final two-part suggestion: don't try too hard, and always be yourself. And don't forget to read up on dating and boyfriend advice on leading dating blogs and dating forums. May all your pursuits be fruitful!