When planning your ultimate revenge tactics, consider your method carefully. While getting even with revenge can be satisfying, it’s easy to cross the line and end up doing something that will come back to bite you. If you're determined to get even - and then some! - read on.
Keep your cool, take some time to plan your revenge, and run your plan by a friend if you think it might be too much. You'll soon find out whether revenge is sweet or bitter. Here are one hundred ways to learn how to get revenge for every situation:
If someone has wronged you, use the media to get back at them.
- Order embarrassing mail order products, adult products, and porn to be sent to his door using the “bill me later” feature.
- Subscribe him to magazines or junk mail lists. Fill out every coupon and sweepstakes offer you can find.
- Sign him up for email spam. Fill out every online form you can find.
- Ask for information on potentially embarrassing conditions, like herpes or syphilis, to be sent to his home. This works great if he's living with his significant other.
- Get a billboard to announce his misdeeds.
Calls and visits
Persistent calls and visits from unwanted guests can be very irritating.
- Give local churches your enemy’s number as someone potentially interested in conversion, so he'll be harassed nonstop.
- Call sales people to schedule product demonstrations at his home.
- Place ads for free electronics in the paper with his phone number in it.
- Print hundreds of flyers for a party at his house, and then plaster them all over town and on the nearest college campus.
- Call an overseas hotline or other pay-per-minute number using his phone, and then leave it off the hook.
- If you have his social security number, call the power company and have his power shut off.
- Place prank calls to his home at all hours of the day and night from a blocked number.
- Call his workplace, pretending to be a healthcare specialist. Inform the person who answers the phone that you need to speak to the person immediately regarding a possible infection risk to the public.
- Have people call his office repeatedly pretending to be collections agents.
- If a telemarketer calls, pretend to be very excited about the offer. Then tell her that you have another call, and leave her on hold until she hangs up.
- Tell the telemarketer that your (mother/sister/roommate) would like to talk to him. Then, set the phone down, never to return to it.
In the Yard
Messing with your target’s yard is one of the more visible ways to show your feelings about his actions. This is an especially good tactic if he is very proud of his yard.
- Purchase several large packets of wildflower seeds, and sprinkle them over your target’s nicely manicured lawn.
- Write a message in weed-killer on his lawn.
- Unwrap chocolate bars, melt them into clumps, and float the clumps with toilet paper in his pool.
- Add bubbles and/or food coloring to any pools or fountains on his property.
- Poison his plants.
- Replace his weed killer with fertilizer.
- Fill water balloons with salt water, and throw them at the yard. The salted water will kill the grass only in those spots.
Cars are an easy target for revenge, because they are so often parked outside unattended. Plus, many people are very proud of their cars yet won’t have a clue where to start to fix many of these problems.
- Pour oil under his new car. He'll spend hours trying to figure out where it’s coming from.
- Saran wrap his car overnight.
- Write embarrassing messages on his car windows using window paint.
- Set off his car alarm repeatedly in the middle of the night.
- Take his parking spot every day.
- Add any stinky material (use your imagination) to the car’s air vents or air filter.
- Block the exhaust pipe with a large potato.
- While his car is parked at night, scatter bird seed over it. In the morning his car will be covered in birds, feathers and waste.
- Take his keys. Lock them in the car, preferably while the engine is running.
- Stick rude bumper stickers or those with unpopular opinions on his bumper.
Under the cover of darkness, you can perform many of these classic pranks. Your target will be completely oblivious since s/he’ll be sound asleep.
- Call his home from a blocked number in the middle of the night several nights in a row. When he answers, hang up.
- Egg or toilet paper his house.
- Cut his hair while he sleeps.
- Write on her face using permanent marker.
- Place his hand into a container of warm water, especially if there are people around to witness his reaction.
- Throw a gross bug - even just a fake one - onto her face.
- If the target is a guy, paint his nails hot pink.
- Shave off one of his eyebrows.
- With a friend, drag him outside in the middle of the night. Duct tape him to a tree.
When relationships go sour, they can get ugly quickly. If your ex isn’t being nice about the breakup, get back at him or her with these vengeful pranks.
- Place a personals ad with his contact information in newspapers and on Craigslist.
- Look as good as possible. Your ex will realize what an idiot he was for dumping you.
- Go out and make new friends. Meet a new guy, and make sure your ex sees how happy you are. This method of revenge is great because you end up happy as a result of it. Your ex will be upset when he finds out that despite him leaving, you’re even happier than before.
- Spread photos. If you have explicit photos of him from your relationship, spread them around to your circle of friends.
- If infidelity is discovered just before a wedding, announce it to the gathered wedding guests, and turn the reception into a party instead.
- Send your ex a sex guide or other information that suggests he was not very good in bed.
- Send your ex a picture of you looking very happy, perhaps with your new partner.
- Spread rumors that your ex was awful in bed.
- Tell his new girlfriend about his actions.
- Have a friend pass along the rumor that you’re pregnant and don’t know who the father is. Let him sweat it out.
- If he is getting married, call his caterer, wedding hall, photographer, etc., pretending to be him, and change the date or cancel the plans. They will usually call back to confirm, creating immense confusion as the wedding day approaches.
Bathroom pranks can be messy ways to get back at someone. They are often very effective, and at first your target won’t realize what happened.
- Put a lot of gelatin in his toilet tank. In a few days the gelatin will solidify.
- Saran wrap the toilet seat.
- Empty his shampoo into a bowl, mix with hair removal cream, and put it back in the bottle.
- Swish his toothbrush in the toilet. Then, return it to its rightful spot.
- Mix glue into his hair gel.
Getting revenge on a roommate is easy since you have access to their personal space, but remember that you still have to live with this person, at least for a little while, so try to avoid starting an all-out war.
- Blow flour or other white powder under his door using a hairdryer. This will coat all of his belongings in the powder.
- Hide alarm clocks all over his room, set for different times throughout the night.
- Fill the hoods of all of his coats with hole-punch dots. Flour is another messy filling for coat hoods. This also works for co-workers who have a habit of leaving their outerwear by their desks.
- Using a ladder, raise his bike over a lamp post. Pass the post through the hole in the center of the bike frame, and then lower it to the ground.
- Write embarrassing messages on his clothing or in his room using blacklight pens. These have a habit of showing up at the most inopportune times.
- Cut out the bottom seams of all of his pockets.
- Pass along secrets he's told you.
- Make him a meal with way too many hot peppers.
- Hold an unannounced party at the house you share with him.
- Balance a small trash can or bucket on top of a slightly opened doorway so that it crashes on him when he opens the door.
- Set up hundreds of mousetraps on the floor of his room. It’s even better to do this if he's in his bed sleeping at the time.
- Pour salt into his favorite beverage in the fridge.
- Place confetti or glitter on top of his ceiling fan blades.
- Short sheet his bed.
- Pour a bucket of water on the bed. It will stay damp for days.
Co-worker and Business Revenge
If a colleague, business, or client has wronged you, there are plenty of ways to get revenge.
- Place newspaper ads offering sales at his place of business.
- File a Ripoff Report online to alert others to the actions of this business.
- Contact the Better Business Bureau.
- Smuggle funny or random photos into your co-worker’s report or slide presentation.
- Remove all the cups from the water cooler. Add a little salt into each cup. Then, stack them and put them back in place. Most people won’t check their cup before filling it, and will get a nice gulp of salt water.
- Repeatedly send a fax that is a completely black sheet. This will use up his fax ink in no time.
- Add a message to the copier glass using a dry-erase marker. Most people don’t look at the glass before copying their pages.
- Put self tanner or shoe polish on his phone receiver.
- Pull the mouse or keyboard cord out just a little so it no longer works. If he has an optical mouse, just put a piece of tape over the light.
- Change the screensaver on his computer to something insulting.
- Glue the wheels on his office chair so they don’t roll.
- Place small cups of liquid (water, glue, or ink) all over the floor of his cubicle, making it impossible to get to his desk without cleaning it up or spilling some of them.
- Move his cubicle walls in just a little, day by day, until he can’t get through the doorway.
- Take a screenshot of his computer desktop, and then set it as his background. His desktop will look functional, but none of the icons will work.
Other pranks to get revenge
There are hundreds of different pranks you can play to get revenge on someone.
- Take him to court. For serious issues, a court case can solve things and even get you financial revenge.
- Pour his expensive liquor down the drain or give it away to your friends.
- Sew seafood into his curtains or place it in the heat registers. The smell will quickly become unbearable, but he will never be able to find it.
- Pay back any money you owe him in pennies.
- Turn his heat up as high as it goes, and superglue the thermostat so it can’t be changed.
- Add a tripwire at the bottom of a doorway using fishing line and two small nails.
- Flaming dog poo on their doorstep.
- Put laxatives in his food.
- Send a box filled with manure, a knife, and a fork as a euphemism.
- Wipe petroleum jelly on their doorknobs.
- Coat his cat or small dog in petroleum jelly; the pet will track it everywhere in his house.
- Dye his light-colored dog using juice mix packets.
There are hundreds of ways to get revenge on someone who's wronged you. Once you've sorted through this list of ultimate revenge tactics, your chosen method should depend on the severity of the situation and your relationship with the person. When getting even, choose something that fits his “crime,” and always be aware of laws or other facts that could affect your actions. Avoid property damage or libelous statements in public. Depending on the method chosen, you may want to have a video camera to capture the results - or you may want to distance yourself from them. Good luck determining if revenge is sweet!