By Contributing Expert

A child’s imaginary friend can be a parenting challenge, and may even be an embarrassment. It can be difficult to handle the looks at the grocery store when your child talks to no one, or when he insists on walking around town acting like a cat and hissing at strangers. Here are a few suggestions for accepting the imaginary friend, but not letting it rule your child.

1.      Understand What It Is
Sometimes an imaginary friend is just that—an imaginary friend. Other times, particularly with a withdrawn child, it can be a way to communicate and work through complex emotions. Listen to what the imaginary friend does or says.  Is your child channeling emotions through them?

Notice if there are patterns to when the friend comes around. Does the imaginary friend come around when your child feels insecure or threatened? Does the imaginary friend come around when he is excited and wants to share joy?  Address the emotion without shaming the child. Many times a child’s imaginary friend serves to love and accept him when others won’t.

2.      Set Limits
The imaginary friend, if unchecked, can not only take over the child’s life and mind, but can start to rule the family as well. Learning when to suppress one’s private thoughts and when to indulge them is an important skill in life. Set boundaries for the imaginary friend. For example, the table is not appropriate for the imaginary friend, nor are trips to the grocery store. Playtime at home is fine, and the car is okay. Some children instinctively figure this out, but other children must be prodded. Set appropriate limits, but be gentle. Many imaginative children are very sensitive.

3.      Accept it
The imaginary friend is an extension of your child. To reject the imaginary friend, is to reject the child. Without overindulging the fantasy, love your child and accept the imaginary friend when appropriate. If the imaginary friend needs something, i.e., a seat, a piece of cookie, give it to him, so long as it is not disruptive. See the humor in the imaginary friend, and love the child regardless of his crazy quirks.

Somewhere around adolescence the imaginary friend will become just a memory. However, what happened withing the parent/child relationship during this time will last forever.

4.      Read Calvin and Hobbes
The classic cartoon strip Calvin and Hobbes is about an imaginative child with an imaginary tiger. We see the Calvin act out his problems and thoughts through Hobbes, his toy tiger. Sometimes Calvin and Hobbes just play. Other times Calvin's play is deeper than that. The tiger is so real to Calvin that even the reader forgets it is imaginary. Calvin and Hobbes is a great way to understand the imaginary friend phenomenon and the child behind it.