How To Ask for a Trial Separation

If you have been in a relationship, you would know that it definitely entails work to keep it going. That’s why first of all, it’s highly important that you take time to think hard about getting into a relationship. Hollywood movies and primetime shows may promote fast and easy relationships, which lead people into thinking that they could simply get into a relationship and then get out of it when things get too tough, without batting an eyelash.

Not so. Being with someone would definitely mean you’d invest a part of yourself into it, even if you never intended to in the first place. That’s why to avoid any type of emotional complications, do remember that you, your time, your feelings are very valuable, so don’t give a part of yourself to someone who doesn’t really even matter much to you.

That being said, what if you are in a relationship right now that really does matter to you, but you are your partner are just going through some tough times? Since that relationship is important for you, then it may be worth saving. And sometimes, saving a relationship would mean you’d have to give each other some space. If you’re looking into asking your partner for a trial separation, here are some points to consider and some tips that would help:

  1. Keep all lines of communication open. Your relationships are just basically between two people – yourself and the other person. And know this one fact: people cannot read minds. That’s why you’d really have to use language and actions to get your message across from you to that other party. If you feel that your relationship is having problems, then there’s just you and that other person you’d have to deal with. Sit down and talk with your partner, and no matter what, do this with respect and love. Showing respect to your partner may entail a conscious effort, but then again it’s worth doing if you want your conversation to get somewhere. Nothing puts down a barrier between two people more than distrust and accusation.
  2. Discuss your current situation. Maybe your partner isn’t aware that you have been feeling that your relationship has been having problems, and a simple discussion could clear up matters. Or maybe your partner has been feeling the same way as well. Brainstorm of ways that you could possibly remedy the situation. Again, respect and showing value for the other person is key. Try to look for other solutions apart from a trial separation first. Do not cross out the possibility that you could work things out together.
  3. Know your purposes for asking for a trial separation. If you articulate what this separation is for, you could find out that there may be other alternate and more productive solutions. For example, are you looking for a trial separation because you’re annoyed at something your partner does? Maybe you could choose to compromise instead. If your relationship really means something, then it should be worth changing some attitudes and habits for.
  4. If you do decide that what your relationship needs is a trial separation, then lay some ground rules. Remember: a trial separation means you are still a couple. Determine how long your separation will be, and make an agreement that neither one of you would be unfaithful to the other one.
  5. Remember: if your objectives for having a trial separation is to find out whether you truly are right for each other, then a trial separation is not what you need. What you need is a clean break from each other. Relationships and feelings are too fragile and precious to be experimented with, and it’s better for both of you to start afresh than to risk giving each other false hopes. 

Do remember that love isn’t just a feeling; it is a verb. All relationships face tough times, but that’s why it would require that you both work it out with one another. Keeping all lines of communication open and showing respect and value for one another will go a long way towards maintaining your relationship and avoiding irreparable problems. However, do also know that your relationship doesn’t need to be your center and you don’t have to desperately cling to it if it’s absolutely certain that you have to get out (for example, your partner is abusing you or cheating on you). Then know that sometimes a clean break is exactly what you need.


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