The Easy, Fast and Inexpensive Way to Divorce Involves Cooperation with Your Soon-To-Be Ex

Average rating:
When it is time to break up, you have a lot of options. You could hire your own shark and go for blood, but wouldn't you rather save time, money and protect your children? By working together, you can get out and keep the shirt on your back.
The two of you have reached the end of the road of marriage. You do not have to fight or even hire your own attorney. In fact, if you want to save the most money and avoid the stress of a court fight, you do not want to pour gasoline on the fire by hiring your own lawyer. Every state has guideline child support laws. An experienced family law attorney has a very good idea of how the court will divide property. When it comes to your children, the two of you must work together to raise them and you are in the best position to focus on their best interest. Isn't it in their best interest to have as much contact with their parents as possible? If you put aside your own emotional pain and look at this from the children's point of view, they don't want to get caught in the middle of a custody battle. It is up to the parents to decide what to do with the children. Why would you give that job to a judge? Judges don't know or love your children, so they really shouldn't decide how to raise them.
Step 1:

First you need to take a fearless moral inventory. What kind of divorce do you want to have? If you want a peaceful divorce where you save the most money and protect the children from being caught in the middle of a nasty court fight, then you have to have an INTENTION to keep things peaceful. All the decisions you make from now on need to be in the spirit of having a peaceful divorce.

Step 2:

Educate yourself on what the property division and support laws are in your state. You can do this by reading books on your state's laws. You can take a class on divorce. The two of you can have a JOINT consultation with an experienced family law attorney who can look at your situation and advise you as to how he or she thinks a judge would rule on your issues. But when you make the appointment, let him or her know that you want to pay for a consultation and that neither of you will be hiring a lawyer as private counsel.

Step 3:

If the two of you can't agree on custody, find a family or child therapist and put the issue before him or her. Have one person find 3-5 therapists who would be acceptable to you and then give the list to the other person to interview for the final pick. If you can't decide who will do which, flip a coin. If it is heads, the oldest will find the therapists and the younger person will pick the final one. Make sure the therapist is willing to act in the capacity of advisor before you put him or her on the list.

Step 4:

Time to find a mediator. You want an experienced family law attorney who has a good track record working with couples. You want to find out what his or her success rate is (percentage of couples who have settled their case). You can then compare stats, price, speed of process, personality, etc. You can use the same process to pick as for the therapist. Make sure that the mediator does all the paperwork involved so you don't have to do any of it yourself.

Step 5:

Go to your mediation in the spirit of cooperation. If you get hung up on a disputed issue, ask the mediator for possible solutions. The mediator has a much better idea of what the court would do in your situation so be guided by his or her advice.

Believe it or not, it actually feels much better when you are out of the dark and know what your settlement deal is. The unknown is usually a lot scarier than reality. The decision to divorce does not have to ruin you financially or emotionally, but you need to make smart and informed decisions. By keeping in control of the process instead of handing it over to lawyers and judges, you will be able to create a solution that is tailored just for your family. You will feel more powerful since you had a hand in resolving your problems. Couples who mediate (instead of fighting in court) are much more likely to avoid court in the future because they saw they were able to handle their own lives without anyone else telling them what to do.
Quick Tips:
If you have children, you must focus on what is in their best interest.
Take responsibility for being wherever you are instead of feeling like you got hijacked on a bad ride.
Start each day by finding things to be grateful for so you can start the healing process.
Useful Links:
Avoid Divorce Attorneys If You Know What's Good For You
The best way to tell the children about your divorce
Belinda Rachman, Esq.'s picture
About this Author:
Belinda Rachman has been a family law attorney since 1996 but before that she was a Special Education teacher for many years. She walked away from a successful law practice after 8 years because she was so disgusted by the adversarial divorce system. As a child advocate she believes parents must work together because it is their divorce and not their child's.
View more information and all guides by Belinda Rachman, Esq.

Be the First to Comment on this Article