How To Be an Understanding Girlfriend

Learning to Know, Understand and Love

How many times have we tried to be an understanding girlfriend and failed in our attempt to do so? Feeling our boyfriend’s disappointment and seeing their discomfort can actually be the starting point to a big fight or maybe one of the most uncomfortable moments we have gone through. What we need to do in order to understand our boyfriends is to get to know and understand ourselves in the first place. This is how we can do it:

  1. Learn to identify your different moods. They vary frequently depending on several factors. We can be sad, mad, happy, lazy, active, etc., sometimes all in the same day. For example: If we got just a few hours of sleep because we had to work until late the day before, we are going to be tired and maybe not as open as we usually are to listen to others. If a classmate, workmate, or family member said something that really got us upset, we will probably be frustrated the rest of the day or week.
  2. Recognize your fears and insecurities. Even if we don’t like to admit it, we have a lot of them. If you learn how they manifest themselves in your own person, then you will see how evident they can be in others, and in that way, identify their fears and insecurities as well.
  3. Ask for forgiveness when you have made a mistake. Everyday we all probably do something that is not correct. We weren’t born knowing everything, but when this affects our loved ones, learn to apologize and try not to commit the same mistake again. Show others how to do the same with your example.
  4. Know that everybody can think and act in different ways. Nobody is like us, so it is important that we learn to communicate with others, saying things in a clear way and not expecting others to imagine what we have inside. Only we know that.
  5. Love yourself and you will learn to love whoever is around you. Taking under consideration these points, now it is important that you ask yourself the following question: is the person you are with at this moment the one who deserves all your love and support? When we are in a relationship, reciprocity and confidence are the basis to construct the love we give each other. Are you feeling this reciprocity? Do you trust your boyfriend? If your answer is yes to both questions, then he is the one. The process to getting to know yourself only gets better with time, and as long as you remain clear that this will not happen overnight, everyday is perfect to improve a little bit. If you already have your man, it is important to know what he expects from you. Guys normally want a comprehensive woman, someone who can be there for them all the time, which is the point of being an understanding girlfriend. How can you show him that you are the one?
  6. Let him know you are supporting him all the time. It is not necessary for him to tell you all his problems and every detail. The time to share will come, but he should know that you will always be there no matter what.
  7. Do not constantly criticize him. Instead of noticing all of his negative aspects, learn to reinforce the positive ones, letting him be himself. This is a good way to help him eliminate his fears and insecurities, too.
  8. Respect his own space. Everybody needs to be alone sometimes or share time with friends. As long as there is a balance between his friends and your relationship, there is no problem.
  9. Do not push the wrong buttons. You are already learning what your different moods are and how you feel in each of them. Be susceptible enough to identify his moods as well. Share his interests. Find an activity you can perform together or try to learn a little bit more about his favorite sport/hobby.
  10. Do not judge him. You are his friend, not his judge. If you would like to share some advice, just do it in the same way you would like to receive it.
  11. Learn to know his points of view. The age-old “I’m right” does not exist. What does exist are different points of view that you can both share. According to the family, social, and cultural environment that we have grown up in, we learn to identify with different perspectives on the same subject, and sometimes they change with the passage of time and new experiences can be acquired.
  12. Do not play at being a mind reader; be a listener. To be an understanding girlfriend you need to have an understanding boyfriend. The relationship is between you and him, and reciprocity is really important. Remember: everything is a process and there should always be a balance. Know, understand and love yourself and you will know, understand and love your boyfriend.


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