Imagine being a fly in the wall of your man’s head. (I know there are no flies or walls, just go with it, will ya?) What does he think about you and your sexual abilities? What if it’s something like THIS:
“Oh, that (insert your name here). She sure is just OK. I kinda don’t
mind the fact that we just do the same thing every time in bed. I can
totally predict what we’re going to do, all 5 minutes of it. And she’s
about as enthusiastic as my accountant. So am I. Occasionally, she even
plays a supporting role in my sexual fantasies. I’m so lucky to have an
“it’ll do” sex life…”
Um, WHAT? Did I get your attention?
Yeah, it’s horrible to think that your man may be just “satisfied” with
your “sexpertise.” It’s even worse to think that YOU’RE less than
thrilled as well.
Well, if you’re fine with that, then stop
reading now, go get yourself a bag of Doritos, change back into your
sweats that you just threw into the dirty clothes hamper, and watch the
next 5-day Law and Order marathon. Yeah, baby, enjoy.
you are one of those things that likes to keep improving, evolving and
experiencing thrills…damn, what are those things called? Oh yeah,
HUMANS…then let’s talk about a simple little checklist you should have
at your pretty little fingertips that will to help you go from having
so-so to so “OH!” sex. Time for you to transform yourself to a sexual
goddess, darlin’…and it’s easier than you think. You can start by
learning how to be comfortable talking dirty to your man by picking up a
copy of The Ultimate Guide to Talking Dirty. You'll drive him wild with just a few whispered words!
Your journey isn't complete yet -- hold on to your panties and take notes:
- To thine own self be.......familiar. Huh? Yeah, yeah, listen. If it takes two to tango, then it definitely takes two to BANGO. (Hey, I can’t help myself, deal with it.) You need to know what turns you on to be a better lover. That’s the NUMBER ONE FIRST RULE. You can’t expect your lover to be a sexual psychic. One of the biggest complaints I hear from men is that they hate it when women just lie in bed as if they were in a coma. And one of the biggest complaints I hear from women is that they can’t climax through sex. What changes that is becoming more knowledgeable of your OWN body. Take the time to get to know what turns you on. If you don’t, who will? Learn to make your OWN kitty PURR. So if you can learn to self pleasure yourself first, then you will:
- Be able to show your partner what turns you on;
- Start to move your body in ways that probably will feel closer to that X that marks the G-spot; and
- Be more inclined to have sex once you start enjoying it more on your own…
which leads me to the next point.
- Do it, even when you don't wanna. I know, I know. You’re tired. You feel fat. The kids have been driving you nuts. He’s sitting on the couch like a lazy pig and hasn’t bothered to pick up one damn thing in the bedroom. And I want you to sleep with him? Yeah, I do. Why? Because sex lets out all those happy chemicals in your brain, like serotonin. And the more the two of you have sex, the more you WANT to have sex. And studies have shown that couples that have sex 4-5 times per week look ten YEARS YOUNGER than couples that rock it only 2 times per week on the average. Plus, couples that have more sex suffer from LESS depression and communicate more often and feel a greater sense of intimacy. Sounds pretty good to me; how about you?
- Open your mouth, Part 1. No, not what you think, you naughty little minx. You need to COMMUNICATE. As I said before, your man is NOT a sexual psychic. If he is hitting more like a K-spot instead of your G-spot, and you’re not telling him? Well, hello! Welcome to your life. IT WILL NEVER CHANGE IF YOU DON’T TELL HIM. And that’s YOUR fault. Don’t be afraid to open that pretty little mouth of yours. Even if it’s simply to say, “A little faster, a little higher, a little lower, don’t stop!” I know it’s scary, but pull up your big girl panties and DEAL WITH IT. It’s only scary once, but then you’ll get what you want and he’ll feel like a superhero for turning you on.
- Open your mouth, Part 2. OK, now it IS what you were thinking, you naughty little minx. Great lovers perform great oral sex. They DO. And they do it more than once a year on their anniversary! They don’t act like it’s a blowjob but a blow GIFT. They have fun teasing, they take their time pleasing, and they really get into turning their man on. They use their hands, fingers, moist lips and tongues. They hear a noise at the end and realize it’s their man’s eyes that have rolled out of their sockets and onto the floor. They smile because they know they have reached Sex Goddess status in their partner’s heads (yes, both HEADS!).
- Play with toys. Remember when you were young and nothing was better than seeing what Santa Claus left you under the Christmas tree? Or maybe it was getting that big beautiful present from your parents with the red bow on your birthday? And you opened it up and there was the toy that you’ve been wishing for well…forever??? Well, that little Sally or Bobby in all of us still exists. And guess what? You can have that feeling again. With new toys, just a little different! Get some toys that will thrill you and give you hours and hours of pure glee. They’re called sex toys and every grown-up should be playing with them. There are big girl toys and big boy toys and toys for the both of you and you can find an adult Toys R Us online or close to home.
- Variety is the spice of (sex) life. I have found that the happiest couples try at least a new position every three months, will try a new “act" every month and will change around the foreplay, or the positions, where, role-play, SOMETHING each and every time to keep things new and fresh. Promise each other that each week that you will try something new. If you don't want to join the mile high club, you can still try a new position, a new toy or a new room, who cares...as long as it's something different.
- And last but not least, keep on learning! Like anything else in, life, you want to continue to learn. So grab everything you can to improve your sex life. Any new tips, new positions, interesting new toys; never be afraid to keep evolving. Like a yoga practice, you never perfect it, you just get DEEPER.
So please get out there and enjoy a happier sex life. Rock on, sex kitten!
Lora Somoza is the author or “Bliss in the Bedroom” and a sex advice columnist.
You can find both online by signing up at www.blissinthebedroom.com.