How To Be Supportive of a Friend or Partner Who Has Miscarried

The golden rule is, if you're not sure what to say, say nothing. It's a vulnerable time for a woman - try hard not to blurt out something, just for the sake of it. You can be sure that you're more likely to cause offense than be of any comfort.

Don't hazard a guess as to the cause. This is incredibly unhelpful. The chances are the woman, either consciously or unconsciously, feels some blame for what has happened. Research has shown, that in the vast majority of cases, the miscarriage was a result of an inviable genetic outcome at the time of conception and not due to anything the woman has done or not done. Mentioning things like tiredness or diet is simply uninformed and unhelpful.

Don't mention existing children as some soft of comfort. The amount of times I've heard: "Ah well, you still have little Johnny." This type of comment completely invalidates the deep sense of loss the woman is experiencing. It's not like she's lost her car keys but that's okay because the spare ones are at home!

Don't raise the subject. If your friend wants to talk about her experience, she will bring it up. Listen and be supportive if she does. She's not expecting you to solve everything with your wise words, so don't try.

Be a friend. Everyone reacts differently and may or may not want company. It's important to let her know that you're there and available and that you're thinking of her - but to appreciate that she might not necessarily be ready for company just yet. I've seen that a card, a note or a text can be very warmly received at this time. A simple acknowledgement of what she's been through can really mean a huge amount.

Don't do nothing. Even though it can be difficult to know what to do or say in these situations, total silence can be very hurtful. As in the previous point, a simple card, note or text to say you're thinking of them can have a huge impact. It's important that the woman doesn't feel her loss is being trivialized.