Does your boyfriend keep you under lock and key? Does he get jealous when another guy so much as glances your way? Does he go into a raging fit when you don’t answer your cell phone? Does he act like a barbarian when you’re around other guys? If you answered yes to any of these questions, seems like you have yourself a possessive boyfriend.
Although the attention and possessiveness can feel quite flattering at the onset, eventually, you’ll end up feeling restrained, repressed and constricted. You’re a grown woman and you should be able to decide for yourself who you want to hang out with and where you want to go! If your boyfriend’s jealousy and possessiveness are driving you crazy, it’s time to part ways.
- Remember that it’s not about you. The first thing you need to remember about jealous and possessive guys is that their jealousy stems from their own insecurity. It’s not because you dress provocatively or you attract men like flies to a honey pot (and even if you do, so what?!). There’s nothing wrong with you other than you have a possessive boyfriend. If you want to correct that, then realize it’s time to dump your man.
- Be firm in your resolve. No one has any rights over you so you need to set your possessive boyfriend in place. If he can’t respect your independence, strength and power, you need to show him out the door. It doesn’t matter how good looking, rich or what a catch he is. If you’re not happy about his possessiveness and he’s not making strides to change this, you need to move on. Avoid being swayed by his arguments, threats, tears or any guilt he tries to lay on you. If in your heart and soul you know he’s not the right one, move on.
- Cut off all ties. Once you break up, stop seeing each other. Don’t accept his calls. You may even need to block his email address. Unfriend him on your Facebook account. You have no obligations towards him and you don’t have to explain your self or your whereabouts to him anymore, so sever connection with him.
- Change your routine. If your possessive boyfriend goes into stalker mode, you need to shake things up a bit. Start buying your coffee elsewhere. Take a different bus or route going to work. Hang out with friends after work instead of heading straight home.
- Establish a safe refuge. If you must, hide out at a friend’s house or have a girlfriend sleep over your place during the first few days. You need to establish a good support system that can make you feel safe.
- Release yourself from the guilt. Stop thinking you owe him an explanation. Change the tapes you hear in your head of what you should or shouldn’t be. It’s not your fault he’s possessive nor is it entirely your fault the relationship ended. Whatever your possessive ex does after the breakup is not your fault and you aren’t accountable for his actions.
If your boyfriend starts stalking you, or you feel fear around his presence, you need to tell someone right away. Protect yourself! In some cases, jealous ex-boyfriends can do the unthinkable and cause you harm. If this is the case, get the police involved and have a restraining order issued against him.