If you are a non-smoker and you are attracted to a smoker, there are a few things to consider. One is that you may never get him to quit. Second, decide if his smoking is truly that important to you to deter being in a relationship with him. If you are able to accept these things, then here’s how to date a smoker.
- Be upfront about your feelings about smoking. Everyone knows about the health hazards of smoking so there’s no use in preaching. You may be allergic to cigarette smoke. If you don’t like his smoking, don’t throw him out completely. He may be an otherwise great person who just has a hard time breaking a bad habit and may never will. Don’t pretend you’re cool with it if you aren’t.
- Set rules about where it’s acceptable for him to smoke. For example, if he’s in your apartment, it’s your right to declare a smoke free environment. You can also limit smoking to outside, so no smoking in the vehicle, even with the car window open. But know that as soon as you step out of a restaurant, he will want to light up. If you don’t want him to smoke around you, tell him to stay a few paces behind or go into a store while he lights up.
- Don’t start smoking just so you can do it together. Don’t compromise your own health just because your man does. If anything, you should encourage him to quit. There is a difference between loving acceptance and being stupid.
- Don’t nag him to quit. You may encourage and support his decision to quit. Don’t bother preaching about how his health will improve. Be patient with him if he undergoes withdrawal symptoms. It’s part of the chemical detox.
- If it is acceptable to you, you can give him special smoking related gifts, such as expensive cigarettes or a pipe, or even a special lighter. However, if it truly goes against your principles, find him something else not related to smoking.
- Don’t put an ultimatum on your man to choose between smoking and you. Some people are really addicted to smoking and can’t quit no matter what they do. If you issue an ultimatum, make sure you are able to see it through, even if it means walking away from him. He may choose you, and then light up again after you get married. If the choice doesn’t come from him, he may not stick with the decision for long.
- Get past the cloud of smoke and look at the value of the person. If he’s kind, thoughtful, loving and truly wants to be with you and you feel the same way, you will both find a way to compromise so you can be together.
If you are seriously attracted to the person but you find that his smoking bothers you, you will need to decide if you want to pursue and live with it, or if you want to move on. This will be a part of your lives, probably forever and think about how your children will be exposed to it.