How To Deal with a Boyfriend Seeking a Sex Change

It’s a blind side to have your boyfriend tell you he wants a sex change. That’s obviously not something anyone ever prepares for. If you find yourself in this highly rare and unusual situation, you’re not alone. More and more men are seeking sex change operations to address transgender issues. Here’s how to deal with the situation.

  1. Understand this is a personal decision. If he has transgender issues, that is his problem. You didn’t cause it and it’s likely been an issue for him all his life. There is nothing you could have done to prevent it. Looking sexier, being more attentive or having more sex with your boyfriend will not change his decision.
  2. There is no one to blame. Your boyfriend wanting to have a sex change operation is not your fault. You cannot blame yourself the same way it is not his fault either. It just is. It just so happened that the decision came at the time that the two of you were involved.
  3. Appreciate his honesty. It is better that he told you the truth about himself rather than go on and live a lie. If he feels the need to have a sex change operation to be truly happy and live an authentic life, then let him. Don’t make him feel guilty. Appreciate the courage it took for him to come out and tell you.
  4. Support his decision. If may be difficult for you to get over your embarrassment but if you care for him, you must be willing to support his decision. You don’t need to pay for his operation, and you probably don’t and never will understand his choice. All you can do is let him do what he feels he needs to do to be a complete person. Don’t hold him back with threats, guilt or any other emotional blackmail. This isn’t something you can talk him out of.
  5. Learn more about the procedure and why some individuals choose to undergo it. Be clear that just because he wants to change from a male to a female, doesn’t mean he is gay. Understanding the hows and whys of it may help you wrap your mind around it.
  6. Seek professional help if you need assistance in dealing with the emotions and feelings associated with his sex change decision. You can choose to go into counseling together or go on your own.
  7. Seek a support group. If his desire to undergo such a major procedure is crippling your ability to move on, talk to other spouses and partners of patients who have undergone the change. No one will understand you better and can relate to your experience more than someone who has been in your shoes before.
  8. Accept that the relationship as you know it is over. You can’t keep dating. You can probably remain friends, but you can’t ever marry this man so you need to care for yourself and move on. Don’t let this experience deter you from finding the best mate for you. There are still plenty of men who want to remain as such.

Don’t make fun of your boyfriend for his decision. It may seem unnatural to you, but if you hold on to the kindness and affection you had for each other, you can still remain friends well after his physical changes.


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