If you find out that your husband is cheating on you, it can feel like the end of the world as you know it. A range of emotions will go through you, and the anger can feel overwhelming.
- When you confirm that your husband has cheated, confront him. It’s best to do it in the privacy of your home so that strangers don’t have to witness the drama as it unfolds. Be calm and firm. Avoid being hysterical. Expect that he may try to deny it and sway your views, but if you have sure evidence, stand your ground and don’t be played the fool.
- Set an ultimatum. You need to make him choose between you and the other woman. If he does not want to stop seeing the other woman, there’s no hope to fix your relationship. If he says he chooses you, then you can decide if you want to work on things. Be prepared that he may choose the other person over you. At this point, you’ve already suffered a devastating blow. Just brace yourself because it will take a while before things get easier. It will probably get worse before you can see relief.
- Demand transparency. He needs to come clean. Find out if it was a one-night stand or an ongoing long term relationship. Obviously, trust is broken so he needs to work on that and you need to allow him to make amends if you choose to stay married. If it takes reading his text messages and emails, then so be it.
- Decide what you want for yourself. Don’t stay married for the children. Meditate if you still want and love this person in spite of the infidelity. Stay true to yourself. If you realize you can’t accept this person anymore, then you have to tell him. Don’t force yourself to endure if your spirit is too broken.
- Seek counseling. Before you decide if you want to call it quits, you must talk to a counselor or marriage therapist. Let the therapist guide you to making the best decision for your self. Even if you decide to end the marriage, counseling will help you break things off so you can have an amicable divorce. Before you call the lawyers, discuss the terms of your divorce and child custody issues in counseling.
- Learn to forgive. If you truly want to rebuild the marriage, you must learn to forgive the transgression. You partner must be deserving of that forgiveness so he must act with humility and an authentic desire to rebuild with you. If there is still love and a willingness to work on things, give the relationship a chance.
- Give the relationship time to heal. Only time can help you heal your wounds and the sense of loss and betrayal. It will take months of serious work for a semblance of trust to return and for the angry feelings to go away.
- Learn when to accept defeat. If your husband has cheated on you numerous times, he may have a problem. If this is not the first time, your husband may just not be mature enough for a serious commitment. If your husband decides to go with his mistress, or keeps cheating on you, move on.
Dealing with a cheating husband is one of the hardest things you’ll have to handle in your relationship. Find your strength and resolve to do what’s best for you.