How To Deal with Inconsiderate Adult Children

Parents only want the best for their children.  They raise their kids to the best of their abilities.  Mom and Dad want their children to be caring, kind, honest, polite, respectful, and considerate.  It is unfortunate that sometimes, no matter how well parents raise their children, when they reach adulthood even the sweetest kids change.  Some kids grow up to become inconsiderate human beings not only to others but even to their parents.
The question is: how do you deal with your inconsiderate adult children?

  • Stay calm.  Fighting fire with fire is not a good strategy at this point.  Your children are now adults and as such may not react well to you if you blow your top.  Instead, keep your cool and assess the situation.  If you have feelings of anger bubbling inside of you, take a moment to calm down before talking to them.  Even if your adult children are already screaming at the top of their voice, don’t follow suit.  Instead, say that you will only talk to them if they lower their voices and stay calm.
  • Let your adult children know how you feel.  Have a chat with them.  Let them know that you don’t appreciate their inconsiderate actions.  Describe how these actions are affecting you and possibly other people around you.
  • Ask if they have a problem.  Sometimes, adult children act out because of personal problems that they are going through.  They might be having financial difficulties, health issues or their relationships may be on the rocky side. Find out if something is bothering them.  See how you can extend help to your adult children without making them too dependent on you.
  • Don’t give in.  Never allow your adult children to force you to do anything against your will.  You don’t have to explain why you don’t want to do something.  However, if you feel you must, explain the reasons in a calm manner.
  • Set boundaries.  Let them know that they cannot always run to you for every little thing.  Tell them what kind of support you can offer and how far you are willing to go.  
  • Do something for them only because you want to.  There are things that you can do or give to your adult children which they will surely appreciate.  Gifts, monetary or otherwise, helping them raise their kids, doing special chores for them and more.  However, you should only do so because you want to and not because they forced you too.  Don’t let guilt consume you.  Otherwise, they might keep on using this as a weapon to get what they want out of you.
  • Keep the loving bond alive.  Out of sight should not be out of mind.  Even if your adult children have moved out, make sure to communicate with them regularly.  Don’t let the physical distance keep you emotionally far from them.  Open communication helps avert misunderstandings.

One of the hardest, if not the most difficult job in the world is parenting.  As a parent, you are responsible for your children’s physically and emotional development.  However, there are other factors that can affect your children’s personality.  Their environment, especially the relationships they form with others can greatly affect their whole being.  If you find yourself having to deal with your inconsiderate adult children, remember that you are not alone.  There’s a way to help your adult children without becoming an enabler.  Make them understand how you feel and at the same time understand where they are coming from.  Deal with them with much patience and love.


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