One of the most difficult situations that a woman can find herself in is if her husband cheats with another woman and ends up with a baby out of wedlock. As troubling and emotionally distressing as this may be, here are some steps that you need to take in order to deal with the problem and save yourself and your children.
- Arrange your finances. The moment you get wind of the news, the first step to take is to manage your finances. Keep in mind that the shared assets between you and your husband will be vulnerable once he is forced to pay for child support. If you want to protect your assets, you must talk with your lawyer immediately. The lawyer will either separate your assets so that you will have your own money and property under your name. Or, you can also call for a separation or a divorce. Keep in mind, however, that divorce and separation is an option but not the only course of action. There are some couplers who do manage to get through this type of situation.
- Do not harass. It is normal for you to want to show and express your anger on the woman that your husband has cheated with you on. Still, try to keep a cool head and avoid contacting the woman. If you feel the urge to search for the woman even for just a ‘glimpse,’ still resist. You may plan on only looking at the woman, but may end up getting angry and confronting her. Once you confront the woman, you may be charged with harassment cases. Also try to put yourself in the other woman’s shoes. The other woman is not always an evil character, and can be as much a victim as you. She may not even have known that your husband was married.
- Consider your children’s age. Another issue that you need to think over is whether you should tell your children or not. Telling your children that their father has a child out of wedlock is acceptable, but only if your children are old enough and if they are mature enough to handle the information. Telling your young children that their father has cheated on you will only stress the children. Children are still too young to appropriately deal with this situation, and may end up with distorted views not only of their father but also of the family in general.
- Paternity test. Get a paternity test to ensure that the child is really from your husband. In some cases, the other woman may have made a mistake. Though you should not count on the paternity test tonight positive, sometimes it does happen. And when it does, moving on with your husband may be easier and child support no longer has to be your husband’s problem.
Anger and emotional trauma are frequent effects of this situation. Whether or not you decide to stay with your husband or not, get counseling to help you process the situation. There is life to be enjoyed even after you find out that your husband has a child out of wedlock. These steps, along with counseling, should help you get over and continue with your life.