How To Decide When to Separate

There comes a point in some relationships when you are faced with the decision whether to end the relationship or not. It’s an arduous choice to make, especially if it’s a long-term relationship and there are children involved.
It’s difficult to think clearly when fights, abuse and anger overcome you. When coming to a decision, consider these first.

  • Seek professional help. Marriage therapists and counselors are available to provide help to struggling couples. Before you decide to move out, go to a counselor and see if you can still work out your problems. Sometimes, it takes the help of an outside third party to help you get back on track. Talking to friends and relatives may not always be constructive, so it’s best to go to therapist or pastor who is vested in helping both of you. Your counselor should be able to guide you in coming to the best decision for you and your relationship.
  • Assess your feelings. Most relationships can be saved, even those that have been tested by infidelity, as long as there is an authentic willingness from both parties to make it work. It can still be saved if you both want it. However, if you have feelings of indifference toward your mate or if one person has stated he wants out, then it may be time to move on. Even feelings of hurt and anger signify that there is still love in the relationship. On the other hand, indifference or when you feel like you don’t care about the other person or what happens to the relationship anymore means that it has run its course.
  • Move out if there’s physical abuse. Any time your spouse if physically violent, you need to remove yourself and your children from the situation. If you decide to work on the relationship or seek professional help, it’s still best to be apart for a while because your safety comes first.
  • Meditate or pray on it. Take your time when coming to a decision. Breaking up is never easy to take the time to really think things through. Don’t make a decision in the heat of the moment, but rather make a choice when you are calm and centered. This way, you know that you are making a rational and well thought of choice instead of something borne out of impulse.
  • Assess if there’s still enough right reasons in the relationship to work on. If you take away the constant bickering, do you still have enough common ground to work on with your mate? Do you still have common goals and shared dreams? Do you still want the same things together even if you have no children together? If the answer is yes, keep working on it. If the answer is no, you may have to accept the fact that it’s over. Don’t stay because of financial security, for the sake of the children or because you’re afraid that you’re too old and you don’t want to be alone.

Think carefully and don’t act rashly when it comes to deciding the fate of your relationship. Whether you stay or go, it will have long term consequences, so tread carefully. Exhaust all possibilities before you break up, especially if you are married. Don’t think that once you separate, it automatically means divorce. It may just be that you need some time apart to see things more clearly.


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