Getting into an open marriage isn’t really that easy. You have to set things straight with your spouse-to-be. You have to ascertain that both of you are amenable to the arrangement. You can’t just assume your partner is going to agree with it simply because of love. An open marriage can only become successful if both of you will it. Here are some pointers on how you can bring out the idea of an open marriage with your future partner:
Weigh if your spouse-to-be is agreeable to the set up. Yes, you have to test the water first. Be subtle. Be more casual about it. Perhaps, you can mention another couple as a springboard for your conversation. You can use the couple as an example. If in real life you don’t know any couple to talk about, invent. You can say that you heard about them from work or one of your friends mentioned them out of the blue.
Segue as if you were sharing gossip. Slowly reveal details about the couple’s open marriage arrangement. See how your future partner is going to react. As much as possible, read between the lines. Your future partner may choose to be private about things. Be sensitive.
If your spouse-to-be appears to be curious about open marriage, share more details. But don’t do everything at once. Provide the information bit by bit. As days pass, build your future partner’s interest about your proposal. On the other hand, if your spouse-to-be is appalled by the idea, change the topic. Don’t push it anymore. You may end up hurting your relationship if you continue rallying the set up. Your future partner may even take it against you. So, be very cautious.
Seek the professional help of a marriage counselor or a sex therapist. If your sexual relationship is no longer healthy, use the opportunity to invite your future partner to meet a marriage counselor or a sex therapist. As a professional, he can probably sense your intention. When he broaches the idea, your future partner may see that as less offensive. Base your next moves according to your future partner’s reactions.
Condition the mind of your spouse-to-be. You can begin planting the seeds by incorporating the “idea” in your usual activities together. You can watch films or read books that touch on the elements of an open relationship. You may invite your spouse-to-be to discuss what you have seen or read and from there, deduce.
Begin with a clean slate. Don’t bring the idea of an open marriage just because you have already cheated in your relationship. That is really a lame excuse. An open marriage is reasonable and fair. You should not use it to justify your so-called “weakness.” If that is the case, you are undoubtedly an ass.
If your spouse-to-be is not willing to pursue an open marriage, don’t make a big deal out of it. Be understanding. Not everybody can sanction infidelity. Respect that. Change your plan. Maybe, your relationship can improve in some better ways – by being true to each other and by being faithful.