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YahooDon't start with "you." Say "I." When you're fighting, it's easy to point your finger and blame the other saying what he shouldn't or could have done. Saying "You (never listen)" only feeds your anger. Try saying "I feel (upset) when you (fail to listen)." This way you're communicating how you feel rather than blaming.
Don't bring up the past. Don't overgeneralize. "This is just like the last time. You never (do this or do that)" is the worst thing you can say in a fight. It's unfair. You're making a judgment and a really bad conclusion.
No name calling. Even if you're angry, there's no excuse saying what you don't mean. Telling the other he's an *sshole is hitting below the belt.
Never yell. You can raise your voice for a few times BUT ONLY to emphasize a point. Don't scream or yell for longer periods. It's counterproductive.
Engage the other to talk. If the other starts to move away, instead of saying "That's it? You're just going to turn your back?", try saying "I want to work through this." You'll get a more positive response.
Take a break. If the other person reacts passive agressively--say he only shrugs--then you should control yourself instead of of becoming more angry. Instead, suggest you take a break and talk later.
Never leave without a word. Leaving things to rest (for a while) could be good, but make sure you never leave without a word. It's impolite and will just cause the other to fume. A simple, "Let's talk later" would be fine.
"So what now?" Do ask a question aimed at solving the problem. Both of you will easily open up and come up with an immediate solution. As soon as you've dealt with the current problem head on, then there will be no (or lesser reason) to fight.
Don't make excuses. Don't try to get out of the fight by saying things like, "I don't remember that conversation about me agreeing to babysit." Instead, admit fault by saying, "I'm sorry I forgot" and then suggesting a solution like calling a babysitter and posting notes on the fridge. Admitting fault and coming up with a solution is the healthy way of ending a conflict.
Even if you're fighting only about the small things, there's still reason to be alarmed that your fights could be damaging your relationship. The real issue is NOT what you're fighting about or how often you fight - it's really how you do it.
