How To Find Out if a Girl Is Gay

For Those Who Are Gay and Trying to Find Out if Another Girl Is, Too

Lesbian couple
If you're gay and you're interested in some girl, you probably know how hard it is to know if she's gay, too. Of course, you wouldn't want to ask her for a date and hear a big "no" because she's straight...that's because sometimes it's not really clear if the girl is also gay. Taking risks is necessary if you want something to happen, but there are some clues that can also help you when it comes to finding out if the girl you're interested in is gay or not.

Step 1

Clothes and style. There are certain types of clothing that make a girl look a little more masculine. Of course, it happens more when it comes to butches, dykes, or - in other words - masculine lesbians. But when it comes to them, tennis shorts and shirts with no sleeves are very common! Usually, they tend to dress more in a comfortable way, with no makeup and (sometimes) short hair, too. But be careful: Not all lesbians dress like that! There are many gay women (called lipstick lesbians) who like wearing high heels, makeup and "girly girl" things. So you'd better not generalize or you can make a big mistake!

Step 2

Taste for music and movies. There are lots of artists who please gay people! Not only artists but bands, movies, music and TV series. If you have doubts about some girl's sexuality, this is a discreet way of discovering something. You can start talking to her about some gay movie, a dyke band or something. There are many good movies and singers you can talk about! Here are some suggestions:


  • "Lost and Delirious"
  • "Imagine Me&You"
  • "Kissing Jessica Stein"
  • "Loving Annabelle"
  • "Saving Face"


  • The Butchies
  • Kate Perry
  • Kaia Wilson
  • Uh Huh Her
  • The Murmurs

You can also talk about TV series like "The L Word" or some actresses that also drive gay women crazy like Angelina Jolie, Kate Moennig, Leisha Hailey and many others. The trick is to talk about it and see her reaction. If she knows what you're talking about, if she likes it, if her reaction is positive, that's a very good sign!

Step 3

The way she looks at women (and does not look at men). It's really clear when a woman looks at another woman in a different way than the usual. You can tell by the way she acts next to other women and also by the look...if you have the chance to be with her on your daily routine, then you can also notice if she looks at men or makes any comments about them. Another way to learn more is to talk about a certain woman (maybe an actress), talking about how beautiful she is...and see how she reacts to it. Even when they agree, straight women will tend to notice some details in a more "envious" way. And gay women probably won't.

Step 4

Her past relationships. See if you can find out something about her past relationships. If you have the chance to chat with her, you can start talking about romantic relationships and maybe tell something about your experience (without mentioning you're gay). There are some hints that you can give her, for example, not using "him" or "her" when talking about someone you were involved with. You may use "the person" instead or something like that.

As you give her hints and talk about yourself and your life, you will make her more comfortable to do the same. The only warning is: She might not talk about her life as much as you wish! That's because we all know how cruel and prejudiced people can be, and we all have to protect ourselves from that kind of thing, especially at our work, college or anything like if that happens, the suggestion I have is: Stay calm! You have to make her trust you and that takes don't rush anything or she might run away!

Step 5

Short nails! Well, this step is not "mandatory," because not all gay women have short nails! As I said before, there are many lipstick lesbians who enjoy wearing makeup, high heels, getting their nails done...and many other "girly girl" things! So if you're interested in a woman who has beautiful red nails, calm down, ok? Don't panic: She won't be straight just because of her nails! But the thing is: Many gay women have short nails because they prefer them! Why? Simple answer: Sex! It's way more safe and comfortable for your girlfriend/partner if you have your nails cut! They certainly won't hurt anyone and the risk of infections and other things (if you're not wearing a condom - which I don't recommend) also tend to get smaller...but what you really need to know is: Not all lesbians have short nails, but MANY of them do! So if the girl you're interested in shows some other "gay signs" and she also has short nails, that's a very good sign!

Step 6

The way she touches you (and other women). That's a difficult step cause it's not that clear to see...but if you stop and notice, you will certainly understand what I'm talking about. Straight women touch each other like friends or sisters. They usually have some kind of intimacy between them that they would never have with a man friend (for example). And, well, gay women don't treat each other like that, so there's a strong difference between "straight women touch" and "lesbian touch." If you're gay, then you will probably understand what I'm talking about and that kind of thing is easy to notice in the daily routine or even in her way of talking to you (and other women). Just pay attention and I'm sure you will figure it out!

Step 7

Use your intuition! Sometimes there are no clear "gay signs," the girl is completely girly and it's difficult to tell if she's gay or not. But you can feel something in the air and there's this sexual tension between you and her. Then my suggestion is: Use your intuition! There's nothing better than our intuition. Nothing works better than that! If you feel the vibe there, chances are it is!

As I said, not all the rules work for every woman and we can't generalize it...I believe these tips only help you but they can't decide for you if you're going to try something or not. Sometimes the signs are all against you, but if your intuition is telling you to go for it, then what I have to say is: GO! Don't wait and don't doubt, just take a risk! She might be straight the same way she might be gay and the only REAL way of finding out is trying! Especially because even if she's straight, she might want to try a new experience maybe...or even if she never thought about it, you can make that happen! It's good to remember that every gay woman has already thought she was straight at one point. So don't panic and understand that all these tips can help you, but can't decide for you. If you really, really want it, just go for it, girl! Take a risk and go for it!


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