Though the act of betrayal of your partner can make you feel disrespected, hurt, and stupid, you still must open your doors for forgiveness. Even if you do not have plans to rebuild your relationship with your partner, forgiving will help you move forward in your life. It frees up your burden and rebuilds your trust and respect for yourself.
However, it is understood that the process of forgiving and moving on after discovering an affair is difficult. You need as much help as you can get for you to successfully find peace in your life again. As a guide, here are some tips that can help you in successfully forgiving as well as moving on after your partner's betrayal:
- Take your time. The world will completely understand if you cannot forgive immediately after your discovery of your partner's affair. Take as much time as you need. When you have already accepted the fact, it is the right time to make further steps. However, acceptance is always a process. Hence, don't rush yourself in doing this.
- Work on your emotions. Before you even attempt in forgiving your partner, make sure that you have already worked on your feelings. You can contact a therapist, read some books, or write some journals. You need to let go of your emotions through expressing them. So do whatever it takes to voice them out but not to the point of doing anything negative.
- Find a support group. You will always find a group of men and women who are undergoing the same experiences as you. The members of the group can help you through the recovery process, not to mention yet that you can help others too. Support groups can usually be found in churches, counseling centers, community centers, as well as online communities.
- Talk to forgive your partner. This does not mean, however, that you condone what he has done to you. You are doing this because you have already understood his reasons for doing so. Keep in mind that you can only forgive your partner when the time comes that you can already look back at what he did without much of the anger that you were feeling before.
- Build your self-esteem back. As a part of moving on, you need to start to gain your self-esteem again. You can do this even little by little. Love and nurture yourself with various activities such as exercising, eating healthy foods, relaxing, and the like.
- Set boundaries. After this discovery, you have the option to still stay with him or let him go. However, when you opt to stay with him, you have to set certain boundaries where you feel safe regardless of the situation. You can ask for his schedule, credit card, phone, email, and the like just to justify or correct any doubt.
- See the positive side of the story. Identify the good things that had happened as a result of this experience. This can be a realization of your love towards your partner, a change in some of your negative behaviors, a search for a new love, and the like. This will help you look back into your experience and see it not as a pain anymore.
Forgiving and moving on after a discovery of an affair is not impossible. You only need enough time and understanding mind to do so. However, don't forget that forgiving and moving on always come together in situations like this.