How To Forgive Others

When you feel you have been mistreated, a range of emotions can develop. Feelings of hurt and betrayal can eat away at your thoughts and interrupt your daily activities, making it impossible to let go and move on. Learning how to forgive can help those emotions resolve.

1. Be honest with yourself, both about you and the situation in question. Life is full of ups and downs; this makes the ride interesting. Situations will arise in life that don't always have the ending you may have rehearsed and imagined in your mind. This does not mean the situation was bad or wrong. It was simply a step in the right direction of learning about yourself. Realize that everyone is human, and with that title comes the unfortunate characteristic of making mistakes. Look into your feelings about the situation. Retreat into a quiet place, with only the sound of your own thoughts and deciper how you felt before, during, and after the situation. These insights into what makes you tick and feel will help put the issue into perspective.
2. Next, write down the situation in specific detail. After your mind has played out the scenes for you, take it to paper. Being able to see the scenario laid out in black and white will help bring it to reality. Don't be afraid to dig deep and analyze the issue from beginning to end. Do not be discouraged if you discover you played a role in the unfortunate circumstance. It is not healthy or wise to place blame on any of the participants in the issue, including you. This will only add more emotions into the picture and take you farther away from the desired result.
3. Forgive yourself for any part you feel you played and use it as a learning tool. Look inside yourself and free any ill emotions you hold against yourself. Anger, bitterness, shame--any emotion that arises--only proves you are dealing with the situation and clearing it from your mental database. This insight into yourself is invaluable and will help you in future situations, be it work, family and/or relationships. Knowing yourself is the best gift you can give and receive.
4. Don't hold resentment or refuse to forgive. This may be a difficult step. You may feel you don't have the forgiveness inside of you, especially when you are your own worst critic. You deserve to be set free, nothing is one-sided and always takes two partners, sometimes more. Don't allow refusal to block your door to happiness. Look through your heart's eye and see yourself as the caring real individual you are. Then look at the other person the same way. Notice their qualities that are similar to yours: a human with the unfortunate mistake-making trait.
5. Lastly, be confident and proud of yourself for being responsible. Pat yourself on the back, literally. Don't let any outside source or situation hinder you, even if the other party doesn't ask for forgiveness. This may be difficult but remember, the other person needs to follow these steps in his time so he can forgive, both you and himself. You cannot force anyone to feel or forgive, but you can show the maturity and growth as you step through the process. Remember that forgiveness is about your healing, too. You deserve to let the pain and hurt be put to rest, enabling you to awake to each new day with a fresh start and a clear mind.