Finding out that one's spouse is seeing someone else is devastating. Suddenly it feels like your world has started to fall apart, with everything one has sacrificed and striven for in the name of the relationship all this time counting for nothing. Quite naturally, it seems that there is no way of getting everything back to the way they were ever again. Before you do anything you might regret later, or before you even try to initiate damage control on the loss of trust, there is one thing you must do first before you can get past the infidelity.
Heal yourself. To help your spouse and save your marriage, you have to heal yourself first. Accept the fact that it has happened. Though one might wish that it had never occurred, it has, and there is nothing that one can do to turn back the hands of time and make things right again. You need to accept the fact that your spouse has been unfaithful to you and to the relationship you had both built. With acceptance comes resolve to get past this infidelity and, perhaps, save the relationship.
Learn to forgive. Forgive yourself and your spouse. Forgiving is the first and important step toward self-healing. It is not impossible, but it is extremely difficult to let go of the emotional baggage of anger, hate and resentment. The thing is you need to. You can move faster when there is no emotional baggage to lug around. Move on with the noble idea that you are moving forward to save your relationship. Are you going to check on your spouse?
Sow the seeds of trust. Start planting the seeds of trust again. You've just been through a category five emotional storm and it is time to pick up the pace. Show your spouse how to regain each other's trust. Don’t give a one-minute lecture on what trust is. Show it. Whenever you get a call on your mobile phone and your spouse is within your vicinity, stay in the room and don't go anywhere. Tell your spouse where you are going when you leave the house. This exercise is not your first time. You and your spouse have done this before and it somehow slipped unnoticed in the daily grind (getting kids to school, office pressure, and the like). These little acts of trust are going to be a welcome therapy for you and your spouse.
Rekindle the love. Now that both of you trust each other again wouldn't it be a better idea if both of you have fun together? Why not watch a movie together. Watch a SciFi film, even if you don't like science fiction, but your spouse does. Go with your spouse to the library even if you feel like going to the beach. Take a walk together. These are the best moments to renew the bond that kept you together at the start. Both of you have forgotten the mundane basis of your marital obligation to each other and this is the time to remind yourselves that there is going to be only the both of you in the end.
Learn to forget. The most difficult part is forgetting the incident. To many, infidelity is like broken china. You can glue the shattered parts back, but it will never be the same china again. Do not make it difficult for both of you by bringing up the issue of infidelity every time you get a chance. By so doing, the efforts you both worked hard for will be for naught. Why bring it up in the first place when you know it is going to hurt either or both of you?
Getting past infidelity requires two-way communication between spouses. Be open to what your spouse is trying to communicate in silence and drag it out in the open so you can talk about it. Keep an understanding mind. Be as supportive as you can possibly be.