How To Handle Sibling Rivalry

Even if siblings are well-behaved, they will have their occasional arguments or fights with each other. It is a normal part of life to have sibling rivalry. How fighting is handled has a lot to do with how severe or frequent it becomes, including the ages and personalities of children, and how parents handle it.

Sibling rivalries supposedly start when children are younger, and tend to improve as the children mature. It is thought that the age of the child has a lot to do with it. There is more competition among children closer in age.

It is very difficult to completely stop sibling rivalry, but there are always reasons why children fight.

1. Basic Reasons Why Siblings Fight:
   • Status - Fighting for position in the family.
   • Attention - Fighting to get parents' attention.
   • Ownership - Fighting over belongings, friends, and parents' time.
2. Keeping Sibling Rivalry to a Minimum:
   • Parents should be impressed by the individual traits of their children's accomplishments. Praise your child; be sure each child knows why he is being praised and what he is being praised for.
   • Give individual attention to each child. Alone time with each child is very important and can be as simple as reading a book, or taking a walk or running an errand.
   • Be aware of different ways to solve problems and provide lots of love and affection. Encourage your children to get involved in activities separately from the other siblings.
3. Don'ts - Don't compare one child to another, don't take sides, and don't overreact.
4. Dealing with Sibling Rivalry as it Occurs:
   • Show children acceptable alternatives to fighting such as walking away, compromising, and negotiating about the problem. Encourage discussion of feelings. Set rules for getting along, let them know what it means to get along; no hitting or name-calling.
   • Each child doesn't have to be treated the same and different ages and personalities can be treated differently, because of their different ages and personalities. Ignore tattling; tattling is used by children to get their way with parents or others in charge.
   • Children are responsible for resolving their conflicts, that's part of growing up. They need to learn how to work out their difficulties. If fighting becomes physical, parents should step in; it should be known that violence will not be tolerated and is not a way of solving conflicts.
   • 1 minute for every year of age for timeouts; avoid situations that will bring out the worst in siblings.

There will always be sibling rivalry as long as there are disagreements, and opportunities to teach children how to resolve their conflicts. Giving your children the tools to battle their conflicts is a gift in itself. They will learn how to deal with rivalry, how to cooperate, problem solve and negotiate. These are skills they will take with them throughout their lives. They will grow to tolerate people in a more patient and generous way.