Married life always begins in the warm glow of love or in heat of passion with a great expectation of a happy and prosperous family life in the near future. However, as the marriage grows by months, then by years, expectations seems to be blurry. Marriage means the formal union of a man and a woman, by which they become one as husband and wife. However, with the dramatic growth of divorce every year, people seem to be hesitant about getting married. They thought that it's just a piece of paper. However actually marriage is not just a small matter; it's a legal way of putting your relationship into another level. There are reasons why marriage is hard to maintain - here are just a few:
- Time of great stress. Usually, stress came from financial, communication or adjustment problem. Some become stressed by the pressure they face as they need to get along with their partner and his/her family as well.
- The Unrealistic Expectation. As I've said earlier, newlyweds tend to expect the best family life. And if this expectation doesn't seem to materialize then the problem starts there. With this undone expectation, the couple will be undergoing huge dissatisfaction in marriage.
- The Communication Crisis. One article that I've read states, "Some couples get into a rut of hearing without listening and speaking without communicating." Sometimes married couples tend to argue over little things then making it big because of communication problem.
Have you experienced all this? Do you feel like giving up the marriage that you have? Do you still want the marriage to work? Now, here are some simple tips for you to do.
Treat marriage as sacred.
As Mathew 19:6 states, “What God has yoked together let no man put apart.” This Bible text is very famous, especially for married ones. If you treat marriage as a contract not just signed by the two of you but also approved by God, then you have all the reason to treat it as sacred as possible.
Respect is the most important thing that you can give your partner. With just the respect that you'll give, it can move you to do so many things. And if you give respect to your partner, surely, you'll gain his/her respect as well. By speaking respectfully, and making it a daily routine at home, you'll have a peaceful married life and children in the future.
Cultivate kindness and compassion.
During arguments, couples tend to lose themselves and forget about the love, compassion and kindness that they've been giving their partner. Nevertheless, this is the time that you must show these things. In time of arguments, when you feel so angry…do not blind yourself with anger. Show kindness and compassion to your partner at all time.
Tackle your problems with humility. This means that you shouldn't blame your partner for problems. Instead, find a way to make things better for one another. It is important that you praise your partner for the good things he/she had done. And, if there is something wrong with your partner, say it to her with humility, considering his/her feelings.
Do not rapidly take offense.
At least, try to avoid the urge to disprove your partner's viewpoint or to dive into your own defense if your partner asks you about something you've done or said. You should listen to your partner and observe his/her expression. Think before you speak. Couples tend to regret that winning an argument makes no sense than winning the hearts of their partner.
Know when to keep quiet.
An article that I've read says, “Good communication is without a doubt one of the most important signposts on the road to marital happiness.” A good communication doesn't mean that you talk all the time. There is a time for everything, a time to talk and a time to listen or to keep quiet. When your partner is trying to explain something to you, then you must listen. Talk after he/she talks, and try to tell him/her to listen too.
Listen with empathy.
Listening with empathy means that you should feel what or how your partner is feeling while he/she is talking to you. By doing this, your partner will surely think that you're giving him/her the importance they deserve. Always treat your partner's opinions and feeling with deep respect and dignity.
Be quick to forgive.
An article states, “In marriage you cannot escape your own faults or those of your spouse.” So forgiveness is a must. You can't be icy cold with each other while staying under one roof and sleeping within one room. Admitting your mistakes is hard to do. However sometimes, admittance is the key for a better and peaceful marriage.
Stay committed to your partner and to your marriage.
When you got married, you were no longer strangers to each other, instead, both of you became one. So you must remain together despite hardships and problems that might arise. You mustn't just merely be motivated by commitment itself but also by love, sincerity with a reflection of respect and honor to your partner. So if you're committed, be faithful to your partner. Don't sacrifice your marriage by flirting, have eyes only for your partner.
Self-sacrifice supports commitment.
Helping out your partner requires self-sacrifice yet it is a must to show your love. And with this, your mate will feel more valued and eventually strengthen your marriage.
So there it is! This is long! Reasonable enough since having a successful marriage is not an easy thing to do. It requires a lot of cooperation; strength, self-sacrifice and most importantly love. I hope that this advice could somehow be helpful to you in attaining a successful marriage that leads to a happy and well balanced family.