How To Heal After Loss

It is a fact of life for everyone that, at one time of another, we will lose someone close to us. We cannot bypass this experience, nor can someone take the pain from us, but we can learn how to make this heart-breaking journey a little less confusing and lonely. Be it the loss of a relationship, spouse, partner, sibling, child, or parent, there must be a healthy healing that allows life not just to continue, but to be filled with jubilation and resilience.

Grieving is different for each person, and different with each loss. It is necessary to reflect on the history we had with that person—the strengths, the troubled aspects, our individual strengths, the intensity of the love, and the unfinished business of the relationship. But though everyone’s grief process is unique, there are commonly shared feelings among people moving through the stages of grief, which may include shock, denial, anger, depression, transition, integration and adjustment. And the movement is usually not linear, but rather a sort of back-and-forth movement that is to be expected. As you embark on your journey through the stages of grief, keep the following in mind:

1. Healing takes time and patience. You have the right to express and move through your grieving in your own way, knowing that it is hard work and as such, have the right to set your own pace.
2. Be your own best friend by being less judgmental of yourself and your actions. You have the right to speak of your pain, whether that makes people uncomfortable or not. Allow your feelings to surface, knowing they are subject to change and that feelings are not right or wrong.
3. Remember that some days are bound to be easier than other days. Some days you will remember the past with fond memories and allow yourself to enjoy your life again; on others you will need to cry and feel doubt.
4. As much as possible, try to create balance in your life. Exercise daily, get adequate nutrition, enjoy nature, slow down, and use positive affirmations about yourself and your world, allow yourself to be “in the moment” and to recognize and accept your strengths and limitations. You have the right to forgive yourself for the things you think you “should” have done or “might” have done and to realize that what you did in whatever moment of time was based on the information at hand and that you did the best that you could with the knowledge you had.
5. Listen to your hopeful inner voice. It is normal to go back and forth in your grieving, some days making progress and other days slipping back.

As we share our grieving with others who are in the midst of a similar experience, we are participating in mutual healing. When we acknowledge that we are not alone and isolated, we gain a sense of strength knowing that we are part of a larger community. We have the right to believe that we will have a whole life again!