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Helping a child to cope with death can seem like an overwhelming task. Follow these guidelines to do the best job you can under difficult circumstances.
Death isn't easy for anyone to deal with, but it can be especially trying on children. If your child is struggling to deal with the loss of someone close to her, there are some things that you can do to help her through the process. Here are some suggestions on how to help your child cope with death.
Step 1:

Tell them directly. Children are stronger than you may think when it comes to death. You don't need to (and shouldn't) sugar-coat it for them. Tell them exactly what happened - "Grandpa died" - as opposed to using words terms like ‘passed on', ‘departed', or ‘went to heaven'. Use the actual term ‘death' so that the child doesn't get confused. To be able to cope with death, a child first needs to realize that that is actually what happened, and this starts with you using the right terminology.

Step 2:

Be a good listener. After the child first learns of a loved one's death, you need to be available to her to listen to her thoughts or concerns or feelings about the death. Children may not be ready to say anything about their losses right away. But in time, they'll want to talk and you need to be ready to listen.

Step 3:

Be honest. Once your child is ready to talk about death, you need to be honest and direct in your answers. For many children, the first death that they experience can be a confusing time. They'll have many questions about why the person left, why people have to die, and what happens now. Again, don't glaze over the question with a basic response. Give simple yet informative answers so that the child can understand death. Don't overwhelm her with more than she needs to know, but give her enough information to settle her mind. (Always take a child's age into account when deciding how much detail to go into about death). It is something that she will be faced with throughout her entire life, so she needs to develop a clear understanding of death. You can help with that by giving helpful answers.

Step 4:

Help the child to grieve. Once the child has come to terms with what has happened to her loved one, she will need to grieve in her own way. You need to allow her to express her feelings during this time in a way that she feels comfortable. Younger children can express sadness by drawing pictures. Other children might use musical instruments, written stories or verbal communication to get their feelings out. Encourage your child to express her grief in whatever forms she chooses, recognizing that it is a healthy way for her to grieve.

Step 5:

Let the child choose to go to the funeral. Although your child may have come to terms with the death of a loved one, she may not be comfortable attending the funeral (or similar family rituals to mark the death of a loved one). It should be her choice as to whether she attends. You can help her to make this decision by explaining what happens during a funeral, and why it's important for everyone to have a funeral. Most of the time, children will feel comfortable attending the funeral if they realize that it is a way to honor a loved one's life. If you can convince a child to go, a funeral is yet another stage of grieving that will help your child to cope with the death of a loved one.

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