How To Help Children Deal with Grief

Be a good listener. Once grief hits, your child has already been told and accepted that someone or something close to him has died. And it will take a little bit of time for this information to settle in his mind. Silence is something that is to be expected as your child first begins to deal with grief. But when your child is ready to talk about death and about the loss of a loved one or pet, you need to be available to listen. Children deal with grief at different speeds and in different ways, but all children need to talk about the loss eventually. As an adult, you should make yourself available to listen to your child whenever he is ready to start expressing his emotions about the recent death. Give simple, honest responses and encourage your child to fully express the wave of emotions he is experiencing during this difficult time.

Help the child to find ways to grieve. For most children, death is a new experience and grief is something that they've never had to go through before. It's important that you don't prescribe the path that your child's grieving takes. Instead, offer suggestions and opportunities that will help the child to deal with grief. But have no expectations of the child beyond this. If they're young, grief can be expressed with paper and some crayons. No words need to be said. No therapy session is needed. Just let the child draw what they're thinking about. It's the purest form of dealing with grief that a child can do. Slightly older children may deal with grief through music, written, or spoken word. You can suggest all of these methods to your child, subtly. But just ensure that you are not forcing a certain grief exercise on your child. Each one needs to deal with grief in a personal way.

Let the child grieve in ways he is comfortable. Although you may have the best of intentions when it comes to helping children deal with grief, it is important to let it happen in a way that is natural and comfortable (and not forced) for the child. This especially holds true for wakes and funerals. Children shouldn't be forced to attend death rituals if it makes them uneasy about death. If you sense that your child has the slightest misgivings about attending a funeral, don't force the issue. Your child needs to deal with grief in way that suits his own emotions. If that means that he stays with the neighbors while you go to the funeral, that's fine. Everyone will understand and appreciate that you are allowing your children to deal with grief in a natural, comfortable and age-appropriate manner.