How To Join The Mile High Club

So my man and I are flying home from New York to Los Angeles last week, when I think, you know, it's about time we join the Mile High Club.

For those of you who don't know what the Mile High Club is, it's when you have sex on a plane.

(Ohhhhhhhhhh Yeah, cue the porn music now.)

Now, before I go any further... may I just be the responsible chickie here by saying you can get into SERIOUS trouble if you get caught by the flight attendants. I think you could even get arrested. Naughty, naughty!

So, if you get caught and they make you fly the rest of way home, naked, holding on to the wing, well don't blame me, you've been warned.

BUT, "hypothetically" if you want to make the friendly skies just that much more friendly, well, then here's a few things to keep in mind (insert evil laugh here...)

1. Dress for quickie success. Think you want to surprise your man with some lovin' on the plane? Well, keep that in mind when dressing. You want to make sure you're wearing something that's all about easy access, know what I mean? A long skirt is purrrrfect, comfy sweats work pretty well too.

   Even better? No panties. Keep in mind that you are not going for marathon sex, this is more of a "Wham Bam, thank you Ma'am" style. Get in and get out, know what I mean? So be prepared.

   And keep a low profile. Try to keep your rainbow afro wig and gold see-through mini dress at home. You just want to blend in, and not have people watching your every move.

2. Do some prepping. You know how they like to give you those teeny tiny blankies when you get on the plane? Well, grab one of those babies and get your guy hot and bothered underneath with a little hand job. That way he'll be nice and ready to jump your bones when the time is right, PLUS, I'm sure he'd like to tickle your "kitty" a bit under the covers... (right gentlemen?)
3. Timing is everything. Now, you want to make sure you have your best chance at being unnoticed when the two of you hit the bathroom. May I suggest the back bathrooms? ALL eyes would be on you if you both come out of the front ones and do the walk of shame back to your seats.

   And may I ALSO suggest going in when the flight attendants are passing out drinks or meals with that big old silver cart. They will be busy and less apt to be keeping an eye on horny couples. Plus, fewer people will be getting up to use the bathroom in general. Hopefully, only your man will be getting up, hee hee.

   So wait until the flight attendants are off to deal with crazy kids and passengers demanding their vegan meal. (And extra bonus - the earlier you make your move in the flight, the less stanky grossness you have to deal with in that tiny little room.)

   Then keep an eye out, with one of you jumping into the bathroom at a time, then the other one joining about 30 seconds later. And when leaving, do the same thing, leave one at a time and keep an eye out for one another.

   Don't even THINK about going during the movie. That's when the attendants sit back there bored and people stand in the back to stretch their legs.

4. Location, Location, Location. OK, you guys are in. but it's all about positioning, because that room is suuuuuuuuper small. Your best chance at the money shot is you planting your sweet butt on the sink and wrapping your legs around your man's waist. (Guys, position your lady on the sink and be the gentleman, put down some paper towels first, it's kinda gross in there.)
5. Enjoy the thrill of it all. Remember where you are. So keep it down. Don't howl out loud, ya little wild tiger. And again, this is all about the thrill of the Taboo Sex. Naughty No No's and all that. So enjoy it fast and sneak back to your seat. Then lean back, high five each other for a fabulous covert operation well done and know that you two have just joined a VERY ELITE club.

It makes you want to pack your bags right now, doesn't it?
Happy travels!