I've heard this so many times. I've seen it plastered on women's
faces, like some sort of billboard of pain. I wiped away my own tears
about it in the past.
It's ugly, it's isolating. It's shaming.
And it's everywhere.
That "I can't keep it in my pants" bug.
And it seems like it just strikes out of nowhere. Like a flu. As if
your man could get sneezed on, and the next thing you know, he has some
tramp's legs around his waist.
YEAH, I SAID IT!
And if you've been there, you've thought it yourself.
And it kind of goes like this:
Boy meets girl (you). Boy falls in love with girl. Boy and girl settle
into a great little relationship and all is well, with hearts and
flowers flying out of their butts. But after a while, life kicks in.
Babies come, work comes. Boy gets tired. Girl gets tired. Girl sometimes
wants to smack Boy upside the head for being such a slob. Boy wonders
when did Girl become such a nag. Boy gets quiet. Boy works later and
seems distracted. Girl wants to know what's going on. Boy says
'nothing'. Girl starts getting paranoid and looks for some clue. Boy
assures her everything is fine, but now their sex life sucks and even
worse the intimacy feels like it's melting away like the Wicked Witch in
the Wizard of Oz.
Then one day OUT OF THE BLUE, Boy wants to leave and girl is left, curled up in a ball, crying her eyes out, eating everything that's not nailed down.
See? That's why I don't write fairy tales. No, I'm kidding, but you get
my point. Admit it. It's a HUGE fear for us. To lose the man we love to
another. To be left. To be abandoned both physically and emotionally.
Hey, everyone has that fear. Men included. And we lovely ladies are not
immune to the infidelity bug, either, it happens. So get off that high
But for right this second, let's focus on how to prevent
cheating. And in order to do that you must first UNDERSTAND WHY a man
cheats in the first place... These relationship tips can help you.
Why DO Men Cheat?
Well, I went to the source. And the answer will probably surprise you.
Here's how one man described it in a poll from "Men, Love and Sex":
Douglas, 37, now divorced -
"I was married 4 years when I cheated on my wife. I didn't intend to
cheat, and it wasn't like she had a model's body or anything. She was
just really flirtatious. She gave me lots of attention, told me how much
she wanted me, and really made me feel like a god. It's hard to resist
that when you go home and the only thing you talk about at home is bills
and when I'm planning on cutting the grass."
And he's not the only one.
The main reason
that men cheat is because they are looking for something that they
aren't getting, or NO LONGER getting at home. Some people call it
boredom, but the underlying reason is the SAME EXACT REASON why most
women stray as well:
They are looking for that affection. They believe they are underappreciated and want to recapture that feeling of being attractive to someone, to be sexy, TO FEEL DESIRED. They want to feel excitement again, feel adventurous, even a little naughty, alive, like they matter to someone. But more importantly, They're looking for an ego boost . And
who better than some new pair of eyes looking at them like they hung
the moon, instead of the woman at home who's been in the bathroom five
seconds after he's dropped a bomb?
Of course, sometimes this isn't enough. After
all, it's not like we don't already have OUR own insecurities already,
right? We have busy lives, we start getting wrinkles, our butts expand,
our boobs aren't as fabulous as the Victoria's Secret Models and WE TOO
feel like we could use a little romance, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
It's easy to throw the blame right away and say, it's all his fault, and
I'm not going to make any excuses for any PERSON that strays...But, IT
still takes two to tango horizontally, so let's take a look at what YOU
can do to better your chances of having a cheat proof man.
First off check out these relationship tips to learn how to keep your man faithful.
- Put yourself in his shoes for a moment. Get into his mind and imagine what it's like to live his life. Do you know the stresses he's under at work? Imagine what it's like to get up every day at the crack of dawn, and do the same thing he does over and over. What does he worry about work-wise, financially, health-wise?
Then think about the conversations you two have. Imagine what it may sound like from his side. Is it detail heavy? By that I mean, are your conversations more about stuff that needs to be done, places you guys have to go, money, tasks, etc? Then imagine what's the first thing you guys talk about when he first gets home and the last thing before you go to bed? Is any of it romantic? Or sexy? Or flirtatious? Do you still communicate like you did when you were getting to know each other? Hmmm...
If you think that you spend too much time in the task conversation, don't you think that you BOTH miss that thrill that you both had when you first started to date? And If you said that you never talk in flirtatious terms, romantic terms, caring terms, well, how do you think that is nurturing your relationship?
- Take an honest look at your sex life. I know this may SEEM superficial, but your sexual communication often gauges how the rest of the relationship is going. It's like taking your temperature. It's a good way to gauge if something's not well in the whole relationship.
So, ask yourself how your sex life is going? Do you feel like you guys have gotten into a rut? Do you guys still have regular fore-play on both sides or has it become kind of predictable? Is that fun or does it get a little, oh I hate to say it, BORING? (Is THAT the kiss of death or WHAT?)
Now, if YOU are feeling "EHH" about it, how do you think HE'S feeling? Again, these can be precursors. OK, before you have a nervous breakdown, DON'T PANIC. I'm not trying to scare you, I'm trying to help you help your relationship. You can easily start now making subtle changes to bring back the passion... AND KEEP IT IN YOUR HOME. Next thing you need to do is ask yourself the following question...
- How would YOU want to be treated? Remember what it was like to first date each other? The flirting, the kissing, the doing nice things for each other just because, the dry humping in the car? Don't you miss it too? Then start to bring it back. What you both need is affection. That means more hugs, more kissing, more smiles, more caresses, more lingering looks.
And keep in mind part of the affection is in your words. Find ways of letting him know you still find him attractive. That means calling him at work, not to remind that he needs to come home early so you can get to your yoga class, you call to tell him that you're thinking about riding him bare back like a wild stallion when he gets home. Yee Haw!
- Find small ways to connect with him. Goodbye kisses, or even goodbye teases in the morning will have him excited to come home. How do you tease? Simple... One simple but powerful tease is to wait til he's brushing his teeth... Then just get on your knees for a second, take him in your mouth for just a quick second, jump back up and then tell him, "Hurry, home, baby..." (He'll be thinking about you all day and chances are, will arrive home early!) And TRY to remember to keep the FUN in your relationship. That may mean making dates... and in that, bring out some new ideas...
Now you know how to keep your man from cheating. Many successful
couples make a weekly date with each other, leaving the kids with
grandma, and no talk of mortgages, broken pipes or bills allowed. Other
couples swear by experimenting in the sack, trying a new sex position
each week, or game, like playing naked twister.
positions aren't always "successful" (one almost put one woman I know in
traction!) But the fact that these couples try something new CONSTANTLY
means that they stay committed to each other and keep some excitement
in their love life.... And follow these suggestions, chances are they
will keep YOUR man in your bed too.
Lora Somoza is a sex and relationship advice columnist. You can receive her free newsletter or order her book by signing up at www.blissinthebedroom.com.
If you are looking for some new ways of re-igniting your love life, and really, who isn't, then get your pretty little fingers on my book, "Bliss in the Bedroom: A Real Woman's Guide to Better Sex."