Every parent knows: discipline is a tough job! Most child rearing proves to be an inconvenient interruption to the daily pace of life, and it’s easy to find oneself lashing out in frustration or anger. Guilt from such instances will likely cause parents to find themselves searching for good discipline habits. Your behavior will be scrutinized by family, friends - even onlookers at the supermarket - to see if the methods you use to reprimand your child ever cross a line into a realm of abuse. Here are three guidelines that will be an excellent gauge for parents and non-parents alike.
Abuse is reactionary, discipline is strategic.
Molly, mother of three-year-old James, walks into the kitchen to find the refrigerator door gaping open, and a gallon of milk bleeding onto the fresh floors.
An abusive parent will act out of emotion, using sporadic methods to reprimand. However, within the strategy of good correction, a child will learn to expect the when, where, and how of discipline. Remaining consistent in your expectations, dialogue, methods, environment and tone will help children feel safe during correction. For example, you may choose to consistently talk with your child in the bathroom away from others to avoid robbing the child of dignity. Strategically using a script is helpful in keeping a focused goal. For example:
Molly: "Did mommy tell you to stay out of the refrigerator?"
James: "Yes."
Molly: "Did you open the refrigerator?"
James: "Yes."
Molly: "What is that called, James?"
James: "Disobedience"
Molly: "Right. Now we will talk about the consequence for your disobedience."
Abuse is born out of frustration, discipline is born out of love.
While frustration is an unavoidable facet of parenting, it should never be the launching pad into a session of correction. Accidents, personal embarrassment, or feeling offended are never reasonable ground for reprimand. Discipline sets personal offense aside out of love for the child. The goal is correction of wrong behavior - not holding a child hostage to our own grudges. Children should leave a time of correction secure in their parents love and standing on a clean slate. Remembering to be affectionate with your children and vocally encouraging is a healthy way to love a child in the midst of disciplining them.
Abuse breaks a child, discipline builds a child.
Most parents carry in their hearts the simple goal of raising respectful and kind children that, in their adult years, will contribute in a positive way to the world around them. When the parent-child relationship is broken due to physical, mental, or emotional abuse, a child's perspective of personal value and proper authority will become disillusioned and unprofitable. Secure children raised to understand and respect authority through the means of loving discipline will contribute to a healthy society.
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