The decision to begin dating after going through a divorce is one that should be considered very carefully. There is no ideal time that you must wait, or any magic checklist that you must complete before you are officially ready to start getting out and possibly finding romance once again. Especially for people who’ve been married a number of years, when they find themselves single again, it is hard to know when it is okay to start dating again. Here are some general tips that may help you decide if the time has arrived for you.
First, it is a good idea to not start dating until you reach a point where every little thing does not remind you of your former spouse. Just about everyone has been on a date with someone newly divorced who spent the bulk of the evening talking about how this restaurant or that song brought back old memories. Save that sort of thing for your friends and others who are willing to give you an ear as you mourn the end of your previous relationship. But don’t put yourself in a dating situation until you are ready to focus on the here and now, and the person you are out on the date with.
Next, hold off dating after a divorce until you actually feel like going out and doing something different. Many people need a period where they stay close to home while they begin to get past the trauma of the divorce. Its okay to allow loved ones to roust you out of the house now and then, but getting to know new people may be more than you can handle at first. As you find yourself looking forward to taking in a movie or having a meal out, you’ll know that it’s time to begin building your new social life.
Put off dating until you actually meet someone who attracts you on some level. That attraction may be purely physical, or be due to something like the way he or she smiles, or some interest that the two of you share. The attraction doesn’t have to be strong enough to lay the groundwork for a new relationship, but it should be enough to allow the two of you to enjoy spending an evening out together.
Above all, be very leery about allowing well intentioned loved ones to find dates for you. Its fine to introduce you to other people, but setting you up on a blind date is not really going to help the situation at this point. Tell them if they want you to meet some new people, have a cookout or a party, invite the two of you, and let nature take its course, one way or the other.
The real test of whether it is time to date after your divorce is when you begin to feel like a whole person on your own. People coming out of a failed marriage often feel as if part of their being has been cut away. It takes time to learn how to be single and be happy within yourself once again. Give yourself time to do just that, and then start thinking about going on a date. Whether that time comes three months or a year after your marriage is over doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you feel good about yourself and ready to share that good feeling with someone else, even if it is only for an evening and not a lifetime.
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