How long is long enough for intercourse?
For some men, learning how to last longer in bed is a desperate situation because they have a real issue with premature ejaculation, and literally cannot last more than a few seconds. For other men, the issue might be that their partner just takes a very long time to climax (and I have other articles posted here to help you with that issue). For many men, the frustration is that as their partner gets more and more aroused and closer to climax, it increases their own excitement level and they just can't continue without ejaculating.
Did that get your attention? That one is pretty frustrating for both parties involved. And it's very, very common.
I have read several studies that have tried to peg the average amount of time that a man can last in the bedroom. Some say it is less than 3 minutes, some say 7 minutes... but the very fact that there is a stopwatch in the room is likely to make it impossible to get any kind of accurate result.
The simplest way to know if YOU can last long enough in bed is to simply ask whether you can last long enough so that both you and your partner are completely satisfied. That is the only definition that matters. One excellent resource which has helped thousands of men is The Ejaculation Trainer - this guide covers lots of tips that aren't in this article, and can help you last up to several minutes longer!
Here's how you can learn how to last longer in bed:
- Relax your legs. It is normal for men to tense their legs and buttocks when they near ejaculation. Because your body naturally relates these physical processes, by willfully relaxing the muscles in the legs and buttocks, you can substantially decrease your level of sexual arousal. This is probably the simplest method that actually works.
- Relax your breathing. For some men, this one technique alone is a huge breakthrough. It works for the same reason that #1 above works...by slowing your breathing, you are sending messages to your brain and your body that you are less aroused.
But another reason that this so effective is that the breath, like ejaculation, is something that is both involuntary and voluntary. You can't control your hear beat or your digestion, and you can't have your arms do something automatically... but your breath can function either way. This makes it a unique bridge because, for men who have problems with premature ejaculation, ejaculation is involuntary...
But other men have learned to completely CONTROL their ejaculation. (You can learn it, too!) In other words, like the breath, the involuntary can be brought under voluntary control. And the breath is often the first stage to the more advanced techniques.
- Practice Kegel compressions. Invented by the gynecologist, Dr. Ernst Kegel, the Kegel compression might be the world's simplest exercise. Just squeeze and release the pubococcygeus (PC) muscles...the same muscles you squeeze to stop the flow of urine.
You can do them anywhere and any time without anyone knowing. Just squeeze and release. You can do them right now while reading this. Work your way to 100. Then try squeezing and holding for a full 10 seconds before releasing, and see if you can do them that way 10 times.
When you strengthen your PC muscles this way, you should notice some automatic improvement to your ability to last longer. And eventually, they will become strong enough that you can actually prevent an ejaculation by squeezing them hard enough to stop the flow of semen.
This is not ultimately the way to total control however, because stopping every few seconds to squeeze your guts out can get quite tiring very quickly... and frustrating for both you and your partner... but it is a skill you'll want to acquire as you learn to last longer and longer in bed and, ultimately, learn to master your body.
- The Old Baseball Method. The most common method for lasting longer is to lower your excitement level by distracting yourself with other, non-sexual, thoughts. Traditionally, the distraction of choice is to review baseball statistics in your head. This works.
The bad news is that it really takes you out of the pleasure of lovemaking. The other bad news is that it makes the woman you are with also feel like you are out of the pleasure of lovemaking...in other words, it makes her feel like you are disconnected.
However, learning how to control the focus of your mind is a very important exercise and, again, by practicing this technique, you will find the more advanced techniques to be much easier to master.
If you have some success with this, the next step, which is far more powerful, is...
- Focus on her. This technique has the added benefit of making you into a truly great lover. The simple fact is, when it comes to learning how to delay your ejaculation, it's all in your head... the one on top of your shoulders. The largest cause of premature ejaculation is anxiety about premature ejaculation.
When you shift your focus from your own anxiety to HER... what she's feeling, how she's breathing, the tension in her muscles, the way she is looking at you... you will do a world of good for stopping that anxiety.
Here's a big tip: Try focusing on the EMOTIONS that exist between you. Tune in to your heart, to the way you cherish her (or even just the way you like her). Tune in to her heart as well. See if you can feel your way around the emotional space that exists between you.
Just making the effort at this will powerfully distract you from ejaculation... much better than baseball statistics... and you'll have the added benefit that she will FEEL you tuning in to her.
Women are very sensitive to this sort of thing... now whether that is some kind of "energetic" sensitivity or just an instinctive ability to read subtle cues of body language and pheromones, I won't even try to get into... but the fact is, when you tune into her in this way, you will be amazed by what happens to her sexually.
Whether you last longer or not, she may very well tell you that it was the best sexual experience of her life.
Remember this: Many men before you have overcome this problem and you can too.
These techniques work. Don't try them once and just give up. Learning a new skill takes time, and mastering these basic concepts is key to learning the more advanced material.
It's also well worth noting that these skills are identical to the ones you have to practice to learn how to achieve male multiple orgasm...and that is definitely something worth doing a bit of work for.
I'll be writing more about that in a future "how to do things" article. Until then...
Be good, play safe, and be nice to girls always.