How To Make Out

Congratulations! You finally had the courage to ask the girl from the gift shop out. And, why shouldn’t you? You are successful, handsome, and for the most part, funny. You walk valiantly to her and say with the mousiest voice, “Hi." Smiling, she says, “Hi,“ back. You can see in her eyes that she knows exactly why you are there. You just come out and say it, “Would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow night?”  She’s taken by surprise. She was expecting some awkward small talk a little bit of joking around before the question. Thinking you blew it, you slowly back away like a suspect leaving the scene of a crime. Then she shouts out, "Pick me up at eight."

You wanted to shout at the top of your lungs. Then, suddenly, it hit you:  She said, "Yes." You prepare nervously for the night. You take her to a fancy restaurant. You were charming and funny. She had a good time. You walk her home, thinking the night was successful. You could go home with a win. However, the night was far from over.

Before you could even lean in for a goodnight kiss, she asks you, “Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee?”  At this point, the adrenaline shoots up. You desperately want to take flight and get your ass out of there before you screw it up. But her eyes tell you that she wants you there and you just can’t say no to those eyes. You get inside and get some coffee. You sit together on the couch, watching some TV. She inches closer. She grabs your knee and at this point, there is no doubt in your mind that she wants to make out.

It is such a perfect night and you just don’t want to ruin it. Well, you don’t have to. Here is a simple guide to making it through the night without screwing things up. Make out like a pro and she’ll never know you were scared out of your socks the whole time.

1. Freshen up. Just before you go in for the kill, make sure you are fresh and minty. There is no greater turn-off than a mouthful of onions. This is definite mood breaker. Even before you see the signs, excuse yourself and go wash up in the bathroom. If you see some toothpaste, use it--she won’t mind. Just don’t use any of the toothbrushes there because that would just be creepy and disgusting. If you don’t see toothpaste, chew some gum. When there is no other alternative, gargle several times until you no longer taste the entrée on your teeth.
2. Go for a bathroom break. Since you are already in the bathroom, do your business. Nothing is more inconvenient than having to interrupt your make-out session because you have to tinkle. By the time you are done, she’ll no longer be in the mood and the moment may have passed.
3. Build up to it. Start slowly. This doesn’t have to be a car flick where it is fast and furious or gone in sixty seconds. Take it slow--let your lips linger around hers. Feel her breath mix with yours. Soon you will know when she wants you to speed up.
4. Get into it. Now that you are both warmed up, you can start swapping saliva and kiss deeply. Don’t be too hard, though. Feel her out. See how she likes it. If you want to use your tongue, start out with a little. Don’t force it down her throat. That just isn’t cool.
5. Don’t be afraid to roam. At this time, you don’t know what to do with your hands. Let them roam around. Don’t go rounding the bases immediately. Take your time. Feel her hips, her thighs, her back, even her ears. If you do go somewhere she doesn’t want you to go, say "sorry," go back to work and hold off a little. If you are at the point I think you are, then she’ll understand. You might want to give her a hug while you kiss. This will make her feel safe and secure. Also, you can use your mouth to roam. Kiss her face, and neck.  If she likes it, she will reciprocate.

This is just a simple guide and not a step-by-step instruction manual. What’s fun about making out is the part where you get to know your partner. It doesn’t help to keep looking at your hand for cheat sheets.  Run with it and enjoy! You will forget why you were ever nervous in the first place.