In a perfect world, family relationships last. Everybody is always happy, together. But in the real world, conflicts happen and separations occur. Sometimes, emotional maturity helps a lot in the healing process. However, when a parent breaks up with a stepparent, tougher measures should be taken. And most of the time, the adult child – like you, carries out the responsibilities. Here are some of those dealings:
- Be man enough. Of course, there is no pun intended here, particularly if you were a woman. Simply put, don’t yield to the emotional burden brought about by the situation. Crying hard would not help, too. Stand firm. Overcome your own feelings about the separation. Remember, you are doing the effort for the sake for your loved ones.
- Don’t take sides blindly. Yes, you may easily give your unwavering loyalty to your birth parent. In the first place, you owe everything to your birth parent. However, being neutral and resolute about what happened would matter a lot. Empathy requires you to be a bit more objective. Listen to both of them. They may both raise valid arguments. You don’t want to lose their respect.
- Define your limitations. Tell them straight about the things you could do for each of them. Be definite about your terms. You don’t want to be caught in the middle of the mayhem. It would plausible if you could spend quality and equal time for each of them. Find out what they have to say but don’t favor any of them. Assure them that everything would be taken in confidence You may also want to redefine the boundaries of your relationship with them now that they have decided to part ways.
- Be of assistance to your younger siblings. Help them get in touch with their feelings. Encourage them to calmly vent out, to release any of their repressed emotions. Younger children may see the divorce as a form of betrayal, a way to get “rid” of them, conveniently. They may also say that either the parent or the stepparent should be blamed for what happened. If they are detached, consider involving them in group programs for children being coordinated by schools and other religious associations. Professional help is always indispensable.
- Anticipate adjustments to your lifestyle. Of course, things won’t be the same. Learn to embrace new setups in the family.
- Stop distressing yourself about what people might say about the divorce. Never let other people tell you how to run your life. As a matter fact, people would always say something about something. Period. Bottomline, what you do with your life is a matter of perspective.
Although the measures enumerated above are proven and tested by experts in family relations, let time take its course. Spend longer bonding moments with your family. Do an activity with them every now and then. Get to know them. Surely, you would discover how the divorce had shaken and shaped them into better individuals as well as family members.