How To Manage Difficult Conversations

Unless you live on an island all by yourself, you can never totally avoid being involved in difficult conversations.  It can happen anywhere as long as you are with people who, of course, do not always agree with you and who have ideas of their own.  It can be in the house with your folks or with your siblings, at play with your friends, or at work with your colleagues and your boss.  These occur because people always have something unpleasant to say about other people.  This is a fact that definitely includes you.

Since it cannot be avoided at all, you may as well learn how to handle such situations.  Because they can take place at the least expected times, such as when good conversations turn sour, it will help if you take note of these tips.

1. Gently ask the permission of the person with whom you have a conflict for a private talk.  This works best in the midst of many people who are not involved in the issue of conflict.  Managing a conflict in public has the tendency to become a hot item for gossips.
2. Make sure that your choice of words does not make matters worse.  Remember, even difficult conversations involve individuals who may be just as sensitive about the topic as you are.  By choosing words that soothe possibly frayed nerves, your explanations are better understood and appreciated.
3. Be a good listener. Your explanations can hit the mark better if you listen closely and consider what the other person is saying.  This gesture will not just show him you are valuing his opinion - it will also enable you to engage him in a conversation.  You may be a supervisor dealing with a difficult employee but do not let rank get in the way of a gentle and civil discussion.
4. Show appreciation for the other person’s good points.  You may not agree with him totally, but if he says something sensible and acceptable to you, express to him how pleased you are with it.  In coffee shop small talks or even book conversations, contrasting ideas can lead into arguments if people assert all the time that what they say is right and disregard other people's opinions.
5. If a conclusion or an agreement is reached, never say something that sounds like you own the idea.  If you do, this could ignite another round of arguments and could quickly escalate.  You can take a cue from business conversations, wherein agreements are locked once they are reached with signatures that seal the deal. 

There are only two things that you must remember in handling difficult conversations: sensitivity and reason.  Each of these complements the other.  If you are just sensitive, you will consider the other person’s reactions to what you will say and end up not saying anything at all.  If you are just good at reasoning, you will dominate the conversation without even convincing your listener.