Before considering marrying someone, the first question is usually why. There can be various reasons to marry someone, but also a lot of reasons not to. When you have gone past that stage, then the next question would be how.
Marrying a divorced guy can be quite emotionally challenging. It may not be like a relationship in which both of you are first-timers in marriage. When you marry a divorced guy, there are other people involved other than just him and you. It is important to be emotionally, spiritually and even physically mature, because not only will it wear you down, it might also make you break down at times. Here are a few things to consider when you’re considering married life with a divorcee.
Do not rush the marriage. Do not get into a commitment just as he is just getting out of his. Let him solve his own problems first because but it is important that he has closure with his previous relationship. It is important that you also get to know each other very well because you just might end up in a divorce, as well. You will know it’s the right time when both of you are ready and he has fully moved on.
Stand by your guy. If the guy has just recently been through a divorce, he might still be experiencing emotional traumas. In some cases, he might be experiencing financial traumas. He may have lost his house, car or business to his estranged ex-wife. Or worse, he might have just lost custody of the kids. And remember that he will probably be paying alimony, so this might take a hit on your finances once you get married.
Adjust your expectations. Do not expect that once you marry the guy, you will have a happily-ever-after. Remember that he has probably gone through a very hurting, horrible experience. He may not be the same person as he was in his first marriage, and he will most likely have changed. Expect that he will change for the better and that you two will share a good marriage. But he might not be as passionate a husband, because he would have probably changed his perspectives on marriage.
Respect his history and make sure you can handle it. If the man has kids, make sure you know them and try to befriend them. You can’t be their mother but you can be someone they can trust as a friend and as an adult. As much as possible, do not interfere nor feel bad about the days that you won’t be able to be with your man because he is with his kids. Understanding is the key here.
Consider attending counselling sessions for couples. It might be a very rocky start ahead of you but try to build a stronger foundation by getting support from counselling sessions. You’ll be surprised at how much you’ll learn from couples who have gone through the same thing. Counselling sessions will be times in which you will be able to learn from each other and get to know each other deeper as well.
In today’s modern world, second marriages are not uncommon (as are third and so on). The dynamics of a relationship might be different than when you’re ideal first-time wedded couples. The key to having a successful marriage in the case of divorced guys is understanding. Get to know your future spouse very well before committing.