Don't worry or analyze why your heart got broken. There is no use crying over spilt milk. Stuff happens, and then we learn to breathe again! Move on and focus on your own healing. Remember, what enters your mind will eventually enter your life. Besides, if you don't learn to deal with your emotions, they will deal with you. They will control your moods, actions, habits, mentality, mind-set (your way of thinking) and well-being. To mend your broken heart, you need to learn some coping skills. A coping skill is a behavioral tool for overcoming your pain, regardless of what caused it. Here are my top ten tips for your emotional healing that can help you. Here's how to mend a broken heart.
A new identity. Who are you now, minus your ex? Quite often, people end their marriage, but they don't change psychologically. It's time to upgrade your thinking to match the current you. Part of getting over a break up is deciding who you want to be? It's time to dream a new dream. This might have to do with what you wanted to be before you got married, and didn't quite accomplish because of marital hindrances. Or it may be a new dream entirely. It doesn't matter. Any dream will do as long as it is from you and not from what others think. Pursuing your dream will also be a good distraction from your pain.
Change your focus: What do you focus on most of the time? Are you focusing on what you want or the things you don't want? Whatever you focus on, you will bring into your life. Is your cup half full or half empty? Stop focusing on what happened and think about what you want, and how you can change your life, and make it better. Part of healing a broken heart is positive thinking. Remember a time in your life when you were most confident in order to remind yourself what a winner you are. Also think back to a time that everything was going badly and you succeeded anyway, to remind yourself what a fighter you can be. Hang a picture of you at your happiest and also a picture of your new dream on your bedroom wall as a constant reminder. And lastly, envision in your mind that all your dreams are coming true.
- Get some closure. Write a letter to your ex, and pour out your heart about how he hurt you. Don't hold anything back. Don't mail the letter to him either, this is for your own healing. Burn the letter. This exercise is a great remedy for a broken heart because it helps you get your feelings from your heart, out onto paper. And it helps unload excess emotional garbage.
Instantly change your mood with some positive self-talk. One of the most powerful ways to influence our mind, attitude and actions is by what we say to ourselves, both internally and externally. This will also reveal our state of mind. But the good news is that we can change our state of mind anytime we want. Start telling yourself that it is your ex's loss that it didn't work out. Or that you tried your best and see how quickly your mood will lift. Naming, shaming, and blaming others takes us nowhere, but only torments us further. So instead of dwelling on what could have been and on bitterness, keep telling yourself that you will get through it, and you will.
Empower your life with good mood food. Food can affect our mood, so why don't you eat your way back to happiness? Avoid sugar in your diet, and decrease your intake of stimulants, which are tea, coffee, chocolate, alcohol and cigarettes. They are depressants, that give you a big high, followed by an immediate low. These foods also leave you with a craving, because they don't give a feeling of lasting satisfaction. Instead, increase your intake of high-nutrient foods like fruit, vegetables, seeds, and wheat germ.
Tryptophan is an amino acid that converts food that contains it into serotonin, which is a feel-good brain chemical. And tryptophan is especially rich in fish, turkey, chicken, cheese, beans, tofu, oats and eggs. Other feel-good foods include seeds and nuts. The best seeds are flax, hemp, pumpkin, sunflower and sesame. Avoid fried food, processed food, and saturated fat from meat and dairy. Cook with olive oil or flaxseed oil. Look after yourself because you are worth it!
Engage in fitness exercise. Exercising improves our mood, and helps us to release some feel-good brain chemicals like adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin and endorphins. Exercising also gives you more clarity and an increased level of baseline fitness. You will also end up with an improved body shape, so it is a win-win situation.
Be your own cheerleader. This is the time to be your own best friend, and do whatever it takes to cheer yourself up daily. Purposely focus on things that will lift your spirit. Be your own cheerleader by putting on your favorite music and dancing the way you used to dance in the past. Do all the things you used to enjoy before you got married. Look in the mirror everyday and say to yourself, "I love you babe." Everything starts with self-love. Many people believe that only other people can cheer us up, but the truth is support from yourself feels exactly the same to your soul as support from others. Give your self some kudos that you've made it this far.
- Embrace positive thinking. Positive thinking will transform your mind, your thoughts, your words and your mental images. Think of your life like a computer--the quality of our life output is dependent on the quality of our life input. Our life input includes our actions, decisions, words, emotions, habits and character, and they all start with a thought. When we think negatively, we will eventually become negative people. Let your divorce make you better, not bitter. Purposely develop a habit of not analyzing any negative thoughts in your mind. And always replace any negative thoughts that pop into your mind with a positive one.
Change your psychological triggers. Because divorce is very traumatic, it can be made worse by triggers. Psychological triggers are anything that remind you of your ex that cause an unwanted emotion. This can be their favorite T.V. program or their favorite song on the telly that cause a feeling of sadness or rejection. Write down everything causing the unwanted emotion, and change your thinking about them. For example any time a trigger occurs, remind yourself that you won't let the memory of your ex get you down anymore and that they can't control you any more.
- Pray. Don't knock prayer until you've tried it. Tell God that if he is real, he should immediately heal your heart, and lift the emotional burden, and that if He does, you will find out more about him. When you get your healing, tell him to direct you to a church.
Now you know how to fix a broken heart. Start the healing process and embrace the new you!
Henrietta Elegunde is a life coach and a motivational speaker. Learn more about her services at her website, Power-Within-Reach.