How To Mend a Broken Heart

Don't worry or analyze why your heart got broken. There is no use crying over spilt milk. Stuff happens, and then we learn to breathe again! Move on and focus on your own healing. Whatever you focus on, you will attract into your life. Whatever has access to your mind will eventually have access to your life. Besides, if you don't learn to deal with your emotions, they will deal with you. They will control your moods, actions, habits, mentality, mind-set (your way of thinking) and well-being. To mend your broken heart, you need to learn some coping skills. A coping skill is a behavioral tool for overcoming your pain, regardless of what caused it. Here are my top ten tips for your emotional healing....

1. A new identity. Who are you now that you are minus your ex? Quite often, people end their marriage, but they don't change psychologically. It's time to upgrade your thinking to match the current you. What do you want to be? It's time to dream a new dream. This might have to do with what you wanted to be before you got married, and didn't quite accomplish because of marital hindrances. Or it may be a new dream entirely. It doesn't matter. Any dream will do as long as it is from you and not what others think you should be doing. Pursuing your dream will also be a good distraction from your pain.

2. Change your focus: What do you focus on most of the time? Are you focusing on what you want or the things you don't want? Whatever you focus on, you will attract in your life, and it will infiltrate every aspect of your life. Is your cup half full or half empty? So stop focusing on what happened and think about what you want, and how you can change your life, and make it better. Purposely remember a time in your life that you were most confident, in order to remind yourself what a winner you are. Also think back to a time that everything was going badly, but you succeeded anyway, in order to remind yourself what a fighter you can be. Put a picture of you at your happiest on your bedroom wall. Also put a picture of your new dream on your wall as a reminder. And lastly, envision in your mind that all your dreams are coming true.
3. Get some closure. Write a letter to your ex, and pour out your heart into the letter about how he hurt you. Don't hold anything back. Don't mail the letter to him either. This is for your own healing. Burn the letter. This exercise helps you get your feelings from your heart, out onto the paper. And it helps offload excess emotional garbage.

4. Instantly change your mood with some positive self-talk. One of the most powerful ways to influence our mind, attitude and actions is by what we say to ourselves, both internally and externally. This will also reveal our state of mind. But the good news is that we can change our state of mind anytime we want. Start telling yourself that it is your ex's loss that it didn't work out in your marriage. Or that you tried your best. And see how quickly your mood will lift. Naming, shaming, and blaming others takes us nowhere, but only torments us further. So instead of dwelling on what could have been and dwelling on bitterness, keep telling yourself that you will get through it, and you will.

5. Empower your life with good mood food. Food can affect our mood, so why don't you eat your way back to happiness? Avoid sugar in your diet, and decrease your intake of stimulants, which are tea, coffee, chocolate, alcohol and cigarettes. Because they are depressants, they give you a big high, followed by an immediate low. They also leave you with a craving, because they don't give a feeling of lasting satisfaction. Instead, increase your intake of high-nutrient foods like fruit, vegetables, whole food, seeds and wheat germ.

   Tryptophan is an amino acid that converts food that contains it into serotonin, which is a feel-good brain chemical. And tryptophan is especially rich in fish, turkey, chicken, cheese, beans, tofu, oats and eggs. Other feel-good food includes seeds and nuts. The best seeds are flax, hemp, pumpkin, sunflower and sesame. Avoid fried food, processed food and saturated fat from meat and dairy. Cook with olive oil or flaxseed oil. Look after yourself. You are worth it!

6. Engage in fitness exercise. Exercising improves our mood, and helps us to release some feel-good brain chemicals like adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin and endorphins. Exercising also give you more clarity and an increased level of baseline fitness. You will also end up with an improved body shape, so it is a win-win situation.

7. Be your own cheerleader. This is the time to be your own best friend, and do whatever it takes to cheer yourself up daily. Purposely focus on things that will lift your spirit. Be your own cheerleader. Put on your favorite music. Dance the way you used to dance in the past. Do all the things you used to enjoy before you got married. Look in the mirror everyday and say to yourself, "I love you babe." Everything starts with self-love. Many people believe that only other people can cheer us up. But the truth is that support from yourself feels exactly the same to your soul as support from other people. Give your self some kudos that you've made it this far.

8. Embrace positive thinking. Positive thinking will transform your mind, your thoughts, your words and your mental images. Think of your life like a computer--the quality of our life output is dependent on the quality of our life input. Our life input includes our action, decisions, words, emotions habits and character, and they all start with a thought. When we think negatively, we will eventually become negative people. Let your divorce make you better and not bitter. Purposely develop a habit of not analyzing any negative thoughts in your mind. And always replace any negative thoughts that pop into your mind with a positive thought.

9. Change your psychological triggers. Because divorce is very traumatic, it can be made worse by triggers. Psychological triggers are anything that remind you of your ex that triggers an unwanted emotion. This can be their favorite T.V. program or their favorite song on the telly that trigger a feeling of sadness or rejection. Write down everything that is triggering unwanted emotion, and change your thinking about them. For example, remind yourself that you won't let the memory of your ex get you down anymore, anytime a trigger occurs. And that they can't control you any more.

10. Pray. Don't knock prayer until you've tried it. Tell God that if he is real, he should immediately heal your heart, and lift the emotional burden, and that if He does, you will find out more about him. When you get your healing, tell him to direct you to a church.