One of the first things that people should realize about families is that families are not perfect either and can quarrel with each other as well. If your family has entered into a family feud, mending and making up is essential in order to restore the family as one of the foundations you turn to when you are hurt or when you are in need. Here’s how you can mend a quarrelling family.
- Think. If a confrontation or a problem has recently erupted, give yourself some time to think and ponder about the situation. One of the worst things to do is to go head on and confront the person in the family that you think is at a wrong. This will usually only compound the situation and make the problem worse. To avoid this, give yourself enough time to cool down and be calm. Think of the situation from various angles, and think of the other person’s motives as well, to help you understand the other person’s side as well.
- Talk. Eventually, you will need to talk to the person or people who are involved in the feud. This takes some patience and some discretion. Be sure that you are fully in control of yourself during these talks. If you are personally hurt or if you have personally attacked the other person, you may need a third party to be present in the meeting. Make sure that the meeting and the talk is done in private, away from the smaller children in the family who do not need to be involved in the feud between the grownups. During the talk, it is essential for the both of you to listen to each other’s side of the story with a clear and objective mind. This may be very difficult, but the key is to try. If you need breaks during the talk to think, ask for these breaks.
- Forgive. Once both sides of the story has been retold and heard out, the next step is for you to forgive the other person. It will never be easy being the bigger man, but it is the only way to resolve the situation. If you do not forgive the other person, you will only end up with a grudge that will be very difficult to maintain and which can affect the relationship of everyone in the family. Keep in mind that when a family feud erupts, it is not only you that will be involved, but other members of the family as well.
- Self-criticism. Apart from forgiving the other, however, you should also ask for forgiveness and look at the wrong actions that you have done and the hurtful words that you might have said. This will let the other person understand that you are sincere and that you are not blaming only him. In almost all cases, anyways, family feuds are the result of small conflicts that are aggravated because of actions from both parties involved.
Once you have made up, be sure to give the other person opportunity to make it up to you. Be sure that you also act civilly and courteously to the other person at least. Through these steps, you should be able to resolve conflict in the family and make the family the warm and comforting stronghold it should be.