How To Negotiate Child Custody Without Going to Court

Can you and your partner talk without quarreling? If you cannot, then this guide is not for you. Negotiating for the child’s custody without going to court will be impossible if you two will only quarrel.

There are only two important ingredients for a successful negotiation for the child’s custody. First is your willingness to negotiate and second is prioritizing the child’s welfare. With these two in mind, you are all ready to negotiate for child custody. Follow these steps when doing that:

  1. Calmly talk with the other parent. Ask the other party if he is willing to calmly talk about the child’s custody. Never insist on having a negotiation if the other party is not ready. Both of you should have the willingness to talk before a successful negotiation will occur.
  2. Prepare for the child custody negotiation. Define what your priorities and goals for the negotiation are. Do you want to win the child custody or do you want to arrange the schedule so both of you can parent at your comfortable time? Aside from defining what you want, define what is practical in your situation. Who has more time to parent the child or who has more resources to do it?
  3. Negotiate child custody with the other parent. Talk with the other parent and ask him his goals for the child custody, what he wants, and what he can give. Come up with the best agreement that both of you will benefit. When coming up with an agreement, you should prioritize the best for your child. You can have scheduled parenting, say you take care of the child for the weekdays and the other parent will parent on weekends.

The above three steps will only be successful if you follow these tips:

  • Be flexible. There will be no perfect child custody agreement for both parents. Being flexible will help you meet at the middle where you can enjoy win-win agreement. There may be some compromises, though. But these will be the best for the child.
  • Stay together. Consider staying together and fixing the problem between you and the other parent. When you reconcile, you don’t have to think who will have the child custody.
  • Remember your priority. Your priority is not obviously your ego. So when negotiating, never prioritize your head but the child’s welfare. You may want to have the child’s custody but you know that the other parent can better take care of the child because he has more time and has more experience. You can arrange visitation for the child, anyway. Or better yet, you can have the child stay in your place every weekend.
  • Be clear about each parent’s obligation. You have certain obligations to the child and the other parent has his obligations, too. Be clear about these obligations like who will take care of the child’s education, usual expenses, and health.

Negotiating for child custody can be a sad thing. But sometimes, separation is the best option for both parents and the child. It may be hard for the two of you but it will be harder for your child. So negotiate for the child’s custody, again, always prioritizing what will be best for your child.


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