How To Overcome Romantic Jealousy

In order to address romantic jealously, one needs to be able to understand and define it. Jealousy is an emotional response to a situation that causes the individual to feel ‘replaceable'.  The term replaceable, in essence, is indicative of worthlessness; we replace items because they are no longer needed, worn out or expired.  It is instinctively human to seek the feelings of being loved, needed, necessary and desired and to that end, when in a romantic relationship and these feelings are being threatened, whether by the actions of one's partner, or the involvement of a third person, we become jealous.

Jealousy can be such a powerful and overwhelming emotion; it can create angst where previously there was none.  Why do some respond to jealousy and not others?  I believe this answer can be found within each individual person. For some, an experience of betrayal in a previous relationship formulates a ‘preexisting condition' of sorts. When a feeling of déjà vu is assumed, it becomes the catalyst resurrecting associated emotions; humiliation, fear of loss, unfaithfulness, lack of self-worth, lack of self esteem.

Another root cause can be found when delving back in one's childhood. A broken family, child abandonment, a child who was overlooked or ignored can all result in an overall sense of need, a security blanket for the emotional soul. As with the betrayal scenario, the desire to be secure and nurtured creates a vulnerability that in turn manifests itself as jealousy, should the feeling of security appear threatened.

Overcoming romantic jealousy once it appears in the relationship can be attained by initially understanding its cause; a forgotten phone call, late nights at the office, change in habitual circumstances, avoidance of intimacy (physical and emotional) with open conversation, a key factor! Take measures to address each situation; come home on time, don't be secretive about whereabouts or company you are with, call when you say you will, pay attention to each other, initiate conversation and show an interest, all of these things will indicate a willingness to calm fears, to be considerate of the fear already in place and a desire to regain trust. Assurances made verbally and carried through with actions are necessary.

Counseling is an option and often a necessity if resolution cannot be gained by both partners working together, or alternatively, if one individual does not feel the process helpful. The unbiased guidance of a professional can initiate dialogue otherwise deemed uncomfortable.


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