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Boomerang children--those who have been on their own and then moved back home to Mom and Dad's--is this a new phenomenon? How do parents anticipate this and plan for it?

Planning for any of life's curveballs is always important.  The possibility of a child moving back home that you thought was on his or her own is one important example.  Sometimes circumstances such as a divorce or a sudden job loss may be the cause.  Other times, it is the fact that the child has completed his education and cannot find a job. 

Regardless of why this adult child is moving home, you should prepare for it carefully.

Step 1:

Plan the move home before the child has actually moved back in.  Have a family meeting and allow plenty of time for discussion of issues.  Moving back together will be difficult because all parties have different lives now than they did before.  Calmly talking about all the ramifications and issue resolution will make the transition easier.  Also in your plan should be time once a month to sit and as a family and discuss how the arrangement is working for each of you.

Step 2:

Prepare a list of potential issues and address each one.  Both you and your child should do this and bring the lists to the meeting.  Don't let the adult child move back until agreement is reached on each issue.  Some things will be easy and others will be contentious.  For instance, what is the rule about staying out late at night?  What is the plan for dividing up household chores?

Step 3:

Make a special plan if grandchildren are also moving back home.  Discipline, childcare, and house rules must be clear among all parties. 

Step 4:

Charge rent.  You may take the rent and put it in a savings account for your child so he has a little money when he moves out.  Or you may just pocket the money since it will go toward the increase in utility costs. It can be as little as $50-$100 per month, but it must be paid.

Step 5:

Never clean up after them or do their laundry.  These are adults who were living on their own for a period of time.  They were doing these things and can continue to do them. 

Step 6:

Make it clear that they must go to work, or make daily attempts at finding work.  You are not taking them to raise again.  Rather, you are providing a step for them on their road to success.  They must do the work. They must show that level of responsibility.

Step 7:

Only invite them to stay if you are prepared to ask them to leave if the agreements are broken.  Sometimes a child moves back home because things get tough and he doesn't want to face it any longer.  Or he may have a substance abuse problem and be unable to hold a job.  You are not helping your child or yourself if you enable destructive behavior. 

Step 8:

Set a time limit.  This time limit is not carved in stone and is based on many financial and emotional factors.  However, it does give the prodigal child a goal to work toward.  It also gives you a light at the end of the tunnel of lost privacy.

Step 9:

Keep in mind that this situation has to work for both of you.  This is why having ground rules laid ahead of time is so important.  If you are constantly frustrated by lack of respect and responsibility, then it will come out in ways destructive to your relationship with your child.  Allowing a child to move back in for a short period of time is to help him get back on his feet.  The worst outcome could be that it destroys your relationship.

Many parents have to face this occurrence and most often, it is beneficial to all concerned.  The likelihood of that outcome is maximized if you plan ahead and have a contingency. 

 Good luck!

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