How To Prepare Your Child for His First Overnight

As your child prepares for his first overnight, he may be nervous about what it will be like to be away from home for the first time. Here are a few tips to help your child prepare for his first overnight:

1. Start small. Have your child’s first night away from home be in a familiar environment with people that he knows well. This could mean at his grandparents’ house, the next door neighbor’s, or his babysitter’s place. By having people your child is familiar with host your child's first overnight in a familiar setting, you will eliminate a lot of the unknowns both for you and your child, and the fewer unknowns, the less anxiety.
2. Prepare. Help your child to prepare for the evening away by discussing it. Know the evening routine of the house your child will be at and discuss it with him. You can even role play a bit to give your child a chance to think through possible scenarios such as what he would do if he were asked how he liked dinner when he didn't like it all. Let your child know that while you do not know exactly how the evening will unfold, you are sure that he will be able to handle whatever comes up. Remind your child to use his words to discuss anything that is a challenge or concern for him while at the other house.
3. Make sure he has what he needs. Have your child decide what he would like to bring with him on his first overnight. Does he want to bring his favorite pillow, stuffed animal, truck or other comfort object? In my household, we have a pillow known as the "mommy pillow" because, well, because it smells like mommy. Have him pick out which books will be read to him that evening and pack them. These decisions will connect the dots for him between being home and away…..and give him a sense of being master of his own destiny.
4. Expect some homesickness. This will be your child’s first nighttime experience away from his parents so don’t be surprised if there are some tears or distress. Prepare your child ahead of time for the possibility that he may feel a little uncomfortable or homesick so that he will not feel surprised or ashamed of his feelings. Remind him that even if he is a bit homesick, he will see you the very next morning. Don’t set your child up for failure by telling him that you will come and get him if he wants. That message tells him not only that you don’t think he is up to the challenge but that you expect him to find the experience overwhelming. Of course, the adults supervising the sleepover will have your phone number and know that they can call in case of problems or anxiety on the part of your child.
   
   
5. Allay your own anxieties. When it comes to parental anxieties, children are like giant sponges.....so if you have any concerns, be sure to put them to rest before the big night. If you are seriously concerned, then perhaps it is either too early for your child’s first overnight or you have some second thoughts about the household that he will be staying in. Are you sure that the values at the house your child will be at are close enough to your own, for example, in terms of firearms, smoking, alcohol consumption, and television and Internet monitoring? Of course you should always follow your gut intuition on such matters, but keep in mind that your child’s first night away home is a transition for parents, too. Focus on the positives--an entire night to yourselves--and have confidence in your child’s coping mechanism.
6. Extenuating circumstances. If your child sleepwalks, wets his bed, has night terrors, diabetes or other conditions that might make an overnight challenging, proceed slowly. Don’t be in a hurry for him to have his first overnight away from home. You want your child’s first overnight experience to be a positive one, and extenuating circumstances can sometimes present overarching concerns.

Once your child has a successful overnight under his belt, he will have a sense of mastery of the unknown. Should you ever experience an emergency that requires him to spend the night elsewhere, chances are that he’ll be excited rather than traumatized by the opportunity. It's also nice for a child to know that the world is full of safe havens where he can expect to be comfortable, safe and well taken care of.....even if he feels just a bit uncomfortable at first. Remember, it takes a village to raise a child.