How To Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship

Something seems to be different about you. Your friends are shying away. Your family seems to be complaining more.  You don’t seem to have enough time for them. What is worse, your career or your grades are slipping. You don’t excel like you used to. Your boss has even approached you about this.

What seems to be wrong? You no longer have the time for any of these people and things that you yourself used to hold in high value. The only thing that has changed is that you are in a new relationship. Of course, a lot of time has to go towards a relationship for it to work, but if you have to abandon everything you hold dear, is it really worth it?

It is possible that you are in a manipulative or controlling relationship. Better find out before it is too late. Here are some simple steps you can take to see if you are in a relationship that is manipulative or controlling.

  1. Examine your relationship. Look at your relationship objectively. How does your family feel about the person you are with? Are they worried about you now that you are with him? How about the way the relationship affects you? Are you deep down the same person as before? If you are a student, have your grades been affected? How about your work? Are you doing better or are you on the verge of getting fired when last month, you were the employee of the month?
  2. Recognize his faults. In a healthy relationship, people should be aware of their faults. At the start of a relationship, we tend to ignore each other's faults, as we are in the state of infatuation. This is normal and good, unless you find yourself defending and explaining your relationship to others even when you are not being attacked. If you find yourself lying or making excuses,  deep down you might already know there is a problem.
  3. See if you find yourself doing everything the other person wants to do. When your partner has control over everything, then you might be looking at a controlling relationship. You might say to yourself that it is okay, but it is not. If you constantly change plans to accommodate him, then this is not a sign of a healthy relationship.  
  4. Watch for excessive jealousy. It is totally normal to be jealous. It is actually kind of cute. But at a certain point, it might be too much. When you see yourself going out with him all the time and never alone, this may be a dangerous sign.  Or if he questions you about the time spent away from him, listen closely.  What you are hearing now may be just the tip of the iceberg.

These are just some of the ways you can see if the person you are with may have a need to control you. Keep yourself open to your own group of friends and recognize that this person may need help. Remember that every person has a tendency to control, but recognize if it is starting to be a dangerous cycle. If you see signs that this may be a controlling or manipulative relationship, seek help for you and your mate.


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