Is it all men…or only some? And most important, what about yours? Here are some tips to help you recognize the signs of cheating men:
- Improvements in wardrobe or personal appearance. Has he always worn boat shoes but now wants Bruno Magli? Is he a boxers man who has taken to bikini underwear? If your partner’s wardrobe budget suddenly skyrockets, that may be a sign that he’s modeling those skivvies elsewhere. And if he starts to count his carbs or suddenly wants to enroll in Pilates, beware. (Just what is he using those abdominals for?) These are all signs that someone besides you is wrapping her hands around those love handles. Consider the teeth whitening strips that suddenly appear in the bathroom cabinet the coup de grace.
- Turning it on you. Men who cheat have some justifying to do. They know that they are breaking the rules of your relationship and so they justify cheating to themselves by finding fault with you. Whether your partner increases his complaints about your housekeeping or your sex life, beware an increase in justifications, blame or any other turning of focus onto you…these changes in how he treats you can be signs of projected blame for his own infidelity.
- Sudden changes in your sex life. Has your husband always complained about not getting enough nookie and suddenly stopped complaining? Is he no longer interested in having sex with you at all? Does he want to do things in the bedroom that he has never before suggested? These signs all indicate the possibility of an infidelity on his part.
- Does he buy new phone equipment or use new technologies that he hasn’t before? Did he buy a laptop that you don’t know the password to? Bought yet another cell phone or pager? Never used to text message and now does so on a regular basis? Did you stumble across some e-mail monikers or free accounts that you never even knew existed? Now maybe your husband is just a geek (God bless him!), but these behaviors can also be signs that he is using technology to facilitate messing around.
- What does your gut tell you? You may be picking up on small changes in him without even realizing it...changes that contribute to an intuitive feeling that something is wrong. I have a friend who described a scene to me from the office of her marriage counselor. She said out loud how highly she valued the implicit trust she had in her husband...and noticed the feeling in the room take a sudden dive. Not until later did she realize that at this point in time her husband was engaged in an affair that it took her months to uncover. This is a prime example of an intuition that was overlooked. As difficult as it can be, pay attention to the information that your own gut feelings give you day after day.
- The house he once took pride in is going to hell. Beware if he used to pride himself on the upkeep of your lawn and it hasn’t been mowed for weeks…or if weekends used to be all about him and the kids, and now, well now, he wants to “bowl” every weekend, freshly washed and shaved. Hobbies or pastimes that suddenly get taken up or dropped can be another sign of a cheating partner.
- Changes in his work, leisure and financial habits. Does he suddenly have a lot of conferences to attend? Or begins to work overtime on a regular basis? Does he go out for “lunch” when he never used to? Any changes in his usual routine can be indicators of infidelity. Note changes in personal finances as well…such as fewer bank deposits or more credit card charges (and just what kind of product does a store called “Ooh La La” sell anyway?).
- The usual suspects. Honey, if he runs straight to the shower upon returning home, if you smell perfume on him, if there are long blonde hairs on his clothing (and you’re a brunette), wake up and smell the other woman. Scratches, bruises, hickeys, lipstick on the collar, terse “yes/no” phone calls…just what is it going to take to convince you?
Sometimes one plus one equals three……and three is one too many in most committed partnerships. Pay attention to the signs to discover whether or not your man is cheating. And if you find out that he is (I’m sorry), read How To Confront a Cheating Spouse.