It feels good to be in a committed relationship, doesn’t it? But after a while, you can sometimes get so comfortable that you no longer take the effort to make your partner feel special. If you want to maintain the spark, it’s important not to take your partner for granted. Here are a few questions to assess whether or not you’ve become too comfortable and some tips and advice on what you can do to change it.
- Have your love handles become highway dividers? Letting it all hang out is a term that may apply to your emotional life but should never apply to your torso. Healthy relationships means taking care of yourself is a wonderful way to appreciate yourself and your partner, too. Staying in shape will help to stoke your interest in sexual activity as well as maintain your mate's interest. And maintaining a good sex life is an important part of fostering intimacy while having fun together at the same time. Though few of us can maintain the silhouette of our early adulthood, we can do our best to come close.
- Are you stuck in a routine? Remember Sir Isaac Newton’s first law of motion: Unless acted upon by an outside force, a body at rest tends to stay at rest, and a body in motion tends to stay in motion. If you’ve fallen into a routine as a couple, you need to shake yourselves out of it. Don’t just talk about how you’d like to take a dance class someday: Sign up for tango starting tomorrow! Seek novel experiences, especially those that are exciting or arousing, to lower your levels of boredom and up your levels of satisfaction. And we’re not just talking a new movie here….we’re talking things that you have never done before, that will inspire and stimulate you.
- Do you still write love notes? Seduction should start long before you reach the bedroom door. Think back to those special things that you did for each other early on in your relationship that made your partner feel loved and appreciated (whether it’s the traditional chocolates and romantic candlelit dinner or the less traditional note tucked beneath her windshield wipers). If you no longer surprise and delight your partner, then chances are that she is feeling neglected or at least not as appreciated as she would like. If doing the same darn thing you used to seems clichéd for some reason, try a variation on a theme or just make something up. Everyone loves to feel special and appreciated by the one they love, and you are not likely to go wrong.
- Do you continue to learn about one another? We’ve all heard the cliché as to how a relationship ended. It goes like this: “We grew apart.” What this usually means is that one person continued growing and the other didn’t care. At the start of a relationship, you spend a lot of time learning about your loved one’s childhood, upbringing, relationships, work and so on. But once you know those things, don’t stop learning about one another. Your partner continues to grow and you need to keep up with her new interests and the new aspects of herself that she discovers. Otherwise, your relationship may become one of the other dreaded cliches, the 50% of marriages that don't survive.
- When is the last time that you had a real conversation? Couples can sometimes amaze themselves when they think back to the last real conversation they had together, and realize that it has been weeks, if not months. In our busy world today, it is essential that you carve out time that is for your partner only: Otherwise, work, family and community obligations will eat up every spare moment. Pick a date night one night a week and go to a new restaurant or dance club. Protect that time together at all costs; otherwise, the price could be your marriage.
- Have you ever been to a marriage therapy encounter weekend? I can hear the groans already. But the time devoted to your marriage (instead of to the usual kids, bills and home maintenance projects) can allow you to reconnect with your partner on an intimate level and to practice your all-important communication skills in a safe setting. The right weekend can transform your marriage from a thing of boredom into a thing of beauty. Marriage therapy encounter weekends may not be for everyone, but at least research the possibilities before writing this option off.
- Did you used to wear short skirts for your partner but don’t anymore? Remember, vision is one of the senses, and the more senses your partner can use to appreciate you, the more sensuous his experience. So go the extra yard and give your partner something to look at……chances are by now that you know what he likes, and if not, you can ask! Don’t make the mistake of thinking you need to look like Gisele Bundchen to appeal to your mate’s visual senses…you’ll lose an opportunity to expand your own horizons while giving your partner a thrill. Dress for your partner like you did on your first few dates..... Dating Blogs
Remember that sweet sense of anticipation when you were still wooing one another? Learn how to revive your relationship and try to reconnect with that feeling and recreate a sense of courtship in your day to day life. Maintaining romance is probably the single most important thing you can do to maintain a healthy relationship and nothing kills it faster than feeling taken for granted. Everyone wants to feel special and if you don’t continue to woo your mate.....someone else may, so be sure to implement these tips and this advice so you are not one of the statistics of a broken relationship.