An enabler is someone who always covers someone else's mistakes, someone who accepts all the blame and consequences for someone else's actions and who takes in all the responsibilities of other people. His main reason for this martyr-like persona is to ensure that that someone has lesser problems. In most cases, this is usually done for a very important loved one or a friend. However, this practice is extremely unhealthy for all people involved. One might never learn about responsibility and consequences while the other will waste his life fixing the problems of other people. It truly is a sad story. Thankfully, you can do some things to stop an enabler ruining his life while making someone else's better. Read on to learn more.
- Evaluate your current situation. Before you start changing, it is very important that you know the very reason why you need to change in the first place. Look for the main root cause on why you became an enabler. Understand yourself by scrutinizing all your actions, social relationships, self-worth, and the like. This process can be very difficult to deal with at first but it is better to face it now than do it later. You will feel better after you have come to term with your inner self.
- Observe the person that you have enabled yourself with. Carefully watch his attitude. How does he treat you? Is he being responsible enough? Does he think first before doing something? Is he lazy, immature and does not care about anybody but himself? These are some examples that you need to ask yourself. Check if what you have done for them has a negative effect.
- Set your own boundaries. This means that you should create a limit on the things that you are going to do for someone. This includes covering someone else's mistake, fixing someone else's trouble, putting up with someone else's laziness and so on and on forth. Remove all these things. Be very firm and strict about it.
- Talk to all the persons involved. Carefully and very patiently explain to them that you are no longer willing to cover any of their responsibilities for them. Explain your reason why. You may encounter a lot of violent reactions or emotional blackmails but do not give in!
- Move forward. Learn and live your own rules. Strictly abide to them as you move on with your life. If someone tricks you into doing something, do not react and just leave. Now that you have a lot of time in your hands, think about what you want to do. Indulge yourself with a massage, a trip, pay a visit to your family and friends, etc. You deserve all these things!
These are the things that you need to do in order for you to successfully stop an enabler from doing things for other people. This can be a trying time for anyone who is willing to undergo this procedure. Make sure that he has all the emotional support that he needs. This will keep him motivated and stay on the right path to loving one's self. Just remember, be sincere, supportive and consistent at all times. Good luck!